FIFA Intervenes in Indonesia FA Crisis

FIFA Intervenes in Indonesia FA Crisis - FIFA intervened directly in Indonesia’s football crisis on Monday, announcing it was appointing a committee to take over from the local federation on an interim basis.

FIFA said in a statement that the so-called normalisation committee would organise elections for the Football Association of Indonesia (PSSI) leadership by the end of next month, stop a rebel league and run the association on a day-to-day basis.

Indonesian soccer fans shouts slogans and show a poster of Football Association (PSSI) chief Nurdin Halid as a wanted person, during a rally in front of PSSI headquarter in Jakarta on February 23, 2011. Hundreds of soccer fans protested against corruption in the national league and demanded the resignation of the disgraced PSSI chief.

The decision followed chaotic scenes 10 days ago when an assembly to organise the first PSSI elections in four years was called off after opponents of chairman Nurdin Halid stormed in claiming they had been stripped of voting rights. Halid was jailed in 2007 for misusing funds but continued to run the PSSI from his cell.

“The FIFA emergency committee came...to the conclusion that the PSSI leadership had lost all credibility within Indonesia and was not in a position any more to lead the process to solve the current crisis,” said FIFA in a statement.

FIFA added that the PSSI’s lack of control was “proven by the failure to gain control of the breakaway league, set up without the involvement of PSSI, or by the fact it could not organise a congress whose sole goals were to adopt an electoral code and elect an electoral commission.

The normalisation committee would consist of Indonesian football personalities who would not be able to run in the PSSI positions and would act as an electoral commission, said FIFA.

“The mission of the normalisation committee is to organise elections based on the FIFA electoral code and PSSI statutes before May 21, to bring the run-away league under PSSI control.....(and) to run the day-to-day activities of PSSI in a spirit of reconciliation for the good of the Indonesian football,” it said.

Halid is in his second term as PSSI president but has faced growing criticism at the poor performances of Indonesian teams, especially the senior national side which is 129th in the world rankings. The three-month old breakaway league has attracted teams from the PSSI-supported Indonesia Super League (ISL), a host of southeast Asian players and former England international Lee Hendrie.

Despite a huge soccer-mad population, Indonesia’s only World Cup appearance was in pre-independence days in 1938 as the Dutch East Indies and is not recognised by the PSSI. Indonesia have only played four times at the Asian Cup, going out at the first hurdle every time, and its clubs have never reached an Asian Champions League final. ( reuters )

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Baltic Sea letter in a bottle found 24 years later

Baltic Sea letter in a bottle found 24 years later – Nearly a quarter-century after a German boy tossed a message in a bottle off a ship in the Baltic Sea, he's received an answer.

A 13-year-old Russian, Daniil Korotkikh, was walking with his parents on a beach when he saw something glittering lying in the sand.

80 km northwest of Kaliningrad, Russia - In this Friday, March 11, 2011 photo Daniil Korotkikh shows a letter he found in a bottle on a beach at the village of Morskoye on the Curonian Spit, 80 km (50 miles) northwest of Kaliningrad, Russia. The 13-year-old Russian was walking with his parents on a beach when he saw something glittering lying in the sand. It was a bottle with a letter sent by German boy 24 years ago in the Baltic Sea. The letter said: 'My name is Frank, and I'm five years old. My dad and I are traveling on a ship to Denmark. If you find this letter, please write back to me, and I will write back to you.'

80 km northwest of Kaliningrad, Russia - In this Friday, March 11, 2011 photo Daniil Korotkikh holds a bottle with a letter he found on a beach at the village of Morskoye on the Curonian Spit, 80 km (50 miles) northwest of Kaliningrad, Russia. The 13-year-old Russian, was walking with his parents on a beach when he saw something glittering lying in the sand. It was a bottle with a letter sent by German boy 24 years ago in the Baltic Sea

"I saw that bottle and it looked interesting," Korotkikh told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "It looked like a German beer bottle with a ceramic plug, and there was a message inside."

His father, who knows schoolboy German, translated the letter, carefully wrapped in cellophane and sealed by a medical bandage.

It said: "My name is Frank, and I'm five years old. My dad and I are traveling on a ship to Denmark. If you find this letter, please write back to me, and I will write back to you."

The letter, dated 1987, included an address in the town of Coesfeld.

The boy in the letter, Frank Uesbeck, is now 29. His parents still live at the letter's address.

"At first I didn't believe it," Uesbeck told the AP about getting the response from Korotkikh. In fact, he barely remembered the trip at all; his father actually wrote the letter.

The Russian boy and the German man met each other earlier this month via an Internet video link.

Korotkikh showed Uesbeck the bottle where he found the message and the letter that he put in a frame.

The Russian boy said he does not believe that the bottle actually spent 24 years in the sea: "It would not have survived in the water all that time," he said.

He believes it had been hidden under the sand where he found it — on the Curonian Spit, a 100-kilometer (60-mile) stretch of sand in Lithuania and Russia.

In the web chat earlier this month, Uesbek gave Korotkikh his new address to write to and promised to write back when he receives his letter.

"He'll definitely get another letter from me," the 29-year-old said.

Uesbeck was especially thrilled that he was able to have a positive impact on a life of a young person far away from Germany.

"It's really a wonderful story," he said. "And who knows? Perhaps one day we will actually be able to arrange a meeting in person." ( Associated Press )

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Do We Have a Self?

Do We Have a Self? - We have to use the same words to communicate, and one of the terms we share is "self." Myself, yourself, himself, herself.

This everyday word has leaked into spirituality as the Self or higher self, and people have become comfortable with it. "God is really your higher self." There's a fairly acceptable sentence among many kinds of seekers.

It comes as a surprise to realize that in neurology no one has ever found this "self." There is no part of the brain where it resides, and even though current thinking holds that more than one area of the brain often interacts with another, this observation doesn't mean (so far) that any pattern inside the brain gives rise to the self.

After all, you feel like yourself in almost any situation. When your brain is processing a memory, having an emotion, reacting to a sensation, or doing anything at all but sleeping, you feel like yourself.

So where is this self if not in the brain? You can answer that question in two ways:

1. Everything has to be in the brain, so it's just a matter of time before we find the self.

2. There is a self organized by the brain but not exactly in it, the way a sock is in a drawer.

In Vedanta, the higher self or Atman is not the same as the self we know as personality or ego. I do not use Vedanta as an absolute authority on every subject. Naturally, human beings have moved on to live in a world almost totally different from the world of the ancient Vedic sages.

But when Lord Krishna says in a famous verse that fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it, the wind cannot blow it away, he is referring to an "inward dweller" that must be akin to the self. It isn't the soul, even though in other cultures the soul is seen as an inward dweller, a ghost in the machine.

What this verse is trying to impart, I think, is that the inward dweller is beyond sensations and untouched by time. Let's say that's true. Then how does the Atman turn into the personality, or Jiva? How does the timeless become a creature of time? Many people would consider that a very abstract question, but in fact it relates to the basic structure of the cosmos.

At the quantum level all subatomic particles exist in a shadowland between time and the timeless, between matter and energy. The universe winks in and out of existence millions of times per second, and the fundamental vibrations that underlie matter have "virtual" equivalents that have no fixed location the way matter does.

In a very basic way, this means that the universe is discontinuous, that it gives the illusion of being a real, solid, verifiable, sensual world while at a deeper level none of these qualities exist. Now let's jump to the self. You feel just as real as the universe you live in.

Why? Because your brain and your senses create a "self at the center," a person who remembers a continuous life from the past, has certain preferences, and identifies with all kinds of labels: you know implicitly where you live, what your job is, how much you make, the names of your family, etc. This entire collection of "facts" about the self make you feel real.

One of the big problems in neurology today is the binding problem, which centers on the way different areas of the brain light up simultaneously to create a memory or a feeling or a thought. Quite often the related areas are far apart, yet they interact instantaneously.

What binds them? There seems to be physical apparatus, no trunk telephone line to alert a clump of neurons that another clump of neurons on the other side of the brain is about to fire. In fact, such a telephone system makes no sense, because these firings really are simultaneous.

One part of the cortex doesn't send out a message saying, "Be on the lookout. This guy's about to say the word hamburger and begin to get hungry." Things happen all at once, then disappear to make way for a new set of things that happen all at once.

This is precisely how the quantum world acts. Some kind of "binding" holds together billions of local events, and whatever it is that makes paired electrons spin in sync even though they are light years apart must be "nonlocal." ( lifestyle.yahoo.com )

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How to have a better relationship

How to have a better relationship - Tips to keep the love and romance alive, from the family counsellor Judy Ford

Photo: GETTY

Focus on what matters People aren’t as loving and compassionate as they used to be. Everyone is so preoccupied with getting ahead, which is a stress on relationships. Don’t put love on the back burner; you need to recognise what makes you feel alive and cared for, instead of just surviving day-to-day life the small things

Constant love It’s easy to be loving when the setting is romantic, when you’ve got an extra jingle in your pocket or when you’re looking good, but love grows in the midst of our frantic, daily lives. It’s about noticing the look on your partner’s face that says, 'I’m having a really bad day,’ and responding to that. The small, simple actions keep love alive. It doesn’t mean you have to stop your stressful life, but you may have to shift your focus a bit

Don’t forget You can tell when new couples are in love because they’re holding hands, kissing and talking. When people have been together for a while, they stop that. It only takes a few minutes to say hello and smile. To help refocus your relationship, write a joint statement of your love philosophy. This states what matters to you and what you want to focus on each day

Practice makes perfect My trainer says if I want flat abs I’ll actually have to go to the gym. I can’t just think about it and wish for flat abs. It’s the same with love and compassion; we have to practise it every day. Being compassionate towards the people you see all the time – your friends, family, co-workers – will help you have a better relationship with your partner

The right tool for the job Communication in a relationship is essential, but sometimes we overtalk and complain to our partners. It’s nice to be quiet and to let the energy between you develop. I have a 'conversation toolbox’, which consists of sentences you should use regularly: 'You might be right’, 'Help me understand’ and 'Tell me everything’. They invite a more open conversation

A good influence Your partner will not always be on the same wavelength as you every day; he or she may even be driving you crazy, or vice versa. Don’t force each other to change. Instead try to tune into each other’s moods and feelings – we have a lot to teach each other

Worth the risk Love invites us to grow up, even if it doesn’t always work out how you want it to. It’s like the old saying: it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. By the time I was 34 I had had every marital status – married, widowed and divorced – but I wouldn’t change a thing. People say I’m mushy, because I love talking about love, but that’s fine with me ( .telegraph.co.uk )

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Foods to inspire romance

Foods to inspire romance - Human beings are on an eternal quest for love, sex appeal and sexual prowess. The foods that inspire romance and love are investigated.

Aphrodisiacs

Human beings have been consuming weird and wonderful foods, herbs and beverages since the dawn of time in the hope and belief that these magic pills and potions will make the consumer more attractive to the opposite sex or increase his/her performance in the bedroom. Of course nowadays we have Viagra, but the old beliefs die hard and there are thousands of people who firmly believe that eating oysters and caviar, and sipping champagne will turn them into super studs.

But how true are these ideas and beliefs surrounding dietary aphrodisiacs? I believe that every myth is based on a bit of truth, no matter how tiny. So let’s have a scientific look at some of the most popular aphrodisiac foods to see if there is a reason why they have earned this wonderful reputation.

Seafood

Oysters, caviar, prawns, lobsters, shrimps, perlemoen (abalone), and other forms of seafood have always been regarded as aphrodisiacs. From a nutritional point of view, seafoods are rich in protein, iron, zinc and iodine.

Protein of animal origin found in seafood supplies the body with all the essential amino acids to build strong muscles and lean body tissue - both highly desirable traits in prospective lovers.

Iron is essential for the production of healthy red blood cells which in turn ensure that your brain and muscles are supplied with plenty of oxygen and glucose, thus increasing stamina.

Zinc is one of the most important trace elements found in semen. The zinc level in semen is 100 times higher than in blood. In populations deprived of zinc, puberty is delayed and the sexual organs do not develop normally. Sufficient zinc in your diet by eating plenty of seafood may also help to improve your chances in the Valentine’s sweepstakes. And this is where oysters come in - raw and canned oysters contain a whopping 91 mg of zinc per 100g, probably the highest concentration found in any food.

Iodine is required for the normal functioning of the thyroid gland. The thyroid gland is often referred to as the “power-house” of the body. If you produce insufficient thyroid hormones you will feel sluggish, tired, depressed and have little energy left for amorous pursuits. To be filled with vim and vigor, you need an active thyroid. To keep your thyroid healthy, you require iodine, so tuck into that seafood.

Love apples

When tomatoes were first introduced into Europe, they were called “love apples”, because of the stimulating effect they were believed to have. This notion was pooh-poohed by the scientific establishment for many years. And yet, new research is showing that tomatoes are the richest source of lycopene in our diet.

Lycopene which is one of the so-called carotenoids, is proving to be a potent anti-carcinogen, particularly for prostate cancer.

A large study which was conducted over a period of seven years showed that lycopene in foods such as tomato sauce and pizza, had a dramatic effect on the incidence of prostate cancer. Men eating ten servings of tomato-rich foods a week were 35% less likely to develop prostate cancer than men eating only one serving a week. Tomato sauce, that much maligned product, has the highest lycopene content of all foods, and gives the greatest protection against prostate cancer. Viva tomato sauce!

Lover's menu

I would like to suggest that all you prospective lovers tuck into some raw oysters with all the trimmings, followed by a seafood pizza with plenty of tomato sauce and a large green salad garnished with olive oil. Have a mango sorbet for dessert washed down with champagne or red wine.

You will find that this menu is not too heavy to make you sluggish and full of love foods that will boost your health, if not your prowess! Enjoy! ( parent24.com )

What foods do you enjoy your Lover's menu?

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Obama's childhood memories flood back in Jakarta

Obama's childhood memories flood back in Jakarta - More than 40 years have passed since U.S. President Barack Obama came to Indonesia for the first time, but the memories of his former childhood home came flooding back during a state visit to Jakarta on Tuesday.

Obama received a warm welcome from many locals after spending four years in Jakarta as a child, when his mother married an Indonesian man, though when asked how it felt to be back he said things had changed a lot.

"When I first came here, it was 1967. People were on becaks, which -- for those of you who aren't familiar -- is a bicycle-rickshaw thing," he said, in a description of a vehicle now rarely seen on Jakarta streets packed with new sports utility vehicles and Toyota sedans.

"If they weren't in becaks, they were on bemos, which were sort of like little taxis where you stood at the back and it was very crowded," Obama said, gesturing animatedly and drawing a smile from Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

"My understanding is that traffic (now) in Jakarta is pretty tough," he said, before admitting that he had not experienced it since now as a president the streets had been cleared for him.

Obama's motorcade, met by a tropical downpour, had sped quickly through eerily quiet streets in a city where normally heavy traffic and floods can lead to four-hour commutes.

The gridlock has led Yudhoyono to suggest moving the capital, and the country's inadequate infrastructure is seen as both a deterrent to U.S. direct investment and an opportunity for investors such as the Chinese and private equity firms.

Obama sprinkled a press conference with words of Indonesian and carried on the conversation with Yudhoyono, together with his wife Michelle on her first visit to the country, at a state dinner where he was served his favorite childhood dishes of nasi goreng, bakso and rambutan (fried rice, meatball soup and fruit).

In an after-dinner speech that drew warm applause, he described how his mother, an anthropologist, travelled from village to village by motorbike, and said he was "deeply moved" for a medal presented to him on behalf of his mother for the work she did in the country.

"I could never imagine I would one day be honored here, never mind as President of the United States. I didn't think I would be stepping into this building, ever," he said, recalling his life here as a boy.

RECALLED YOUTH

The Indonesian president also recalled Obama's youth, playing in paddy fields that are now soaring high-rises, or with the monkey or baby crocodiles he had as pets as a boy.

Despite cancelling two previous planned state visits and waning popularity at home, many ordinary Indonesians regard Obama as a long-lost son, and his old school in exclusive central suburb Menteng has a statue of him as a boy at the entrance.

Indonesian journalists gathered in a press room at the state palace clapped and cheered at TV footage of Airforce One touching down on Tuesday in Jakarta, and a second roar went up when the aeroplane's door opened.

"Assalamu'alaikum!" one man shouted at the TV as Obama emerged, a friendly greeting meaning 'peace be upon you' in majority Muslim Indonesia. "I love you!" another viewer cried.

Obama, who aims to use the trip to reach out to the wider Muslim world, said it was disorienting to return to his childhood home as a U.S. president but that his feelings toward Indonesians had not changed.

"I feel a great affection for the people here. Obviously, my sister is half-Indonesian," he said, adding that he hoped to return with his two daughters one day. ( Reuters )

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A pill that makes sex last longer? No! No! No!

A pill that makes sex last longer? No! No! No!. The first drug to give men more staying power in the bedroom went on sale this week and you can already hear the deafening roar of cheers as men prepare to spend longer between the sheets.

The new pill Priligy may well have the same potential to change men's sex lives as Viagra did. Premature ejaculation affects one in three men at some stage in their lives.

Maker Johnson & Johnson promises it can increase staying power threefold. Available on the internet at £76 for a pack of three, it sounds like manna from heaven.

All night long? No thanks: Many women are too busy for marathon sex sessions

Unsurprisingly, men up are whooping with joy. But if you expect women to be yelling 'Yes, yes, yes!', you'd be wrong.

I am in no doubt that up and down the country women are secretly groaning in dismay as they brace themselves for the one thing they don't want - more sex.

It's almost a crime to admit that we don't want endless sex every hour of the day and night. We're all conditioned to think that the best kind of sex is long and lingering.

Men are encouraged to believe that unless they can enjoy endless feats of love-making they aren't real men.

Women are shy of admitting that short sex sessions actually suit them, because they fear it means they have a low sex drive. But the truth is that quick sex sessions aren't always a curse. For a great many women they are actually a blessing.

The last thing they'll be racing to embrace is a pill to slow things down. Of course, as a psychologist and life coach, I am acutely aware that premature ejaculation can be a very real and distressing problem for couples.

It can leave men feeling inadequate and women unsatisfied. However, there are also a great many women who have very good reasons for being happy when sex is over quickly. They might want different sex. They might want less sex. But they definitely don't want the same sex to last longer all the time.

My client Janey, for example, enjoys sex. But with a hectic career as a designer and two children under five, it's not top of her priorities. Sleep beats it most nights.

She and Rob, both 30, have been married for six years. In their honeymoon period, they happily spent entire days in bed. Now, she is thrilled that Rob is - as she put is - 'quick off the mark'.

The last thing Janey wants is the pressure of having to devote hours of her precious time to making love.

At this stage in their relationship, Rob's speed suits them both. 'We love each other, but we don't need to spend hours making love to prove it,' she says. 'I'd hate Rob to feel inadequate just because he's fast. For me, it's an advantage.'

Shorter sex sessions actually suit women: Therapist Dr Pam Spurr

Then there's Sally, a 47-year-old teacher. Her husband, Henry, has suffered intermittently from premature ejaculation for years. They both accepted it as a byproduct of his highly stressed career as a managing director.

And when the couple had time, Henry compensated with foreplay, which left Sally happy.

But now that Sally has become peri-menopausal, her libido has started slumping. Quick sex with no pressure on her is perfect.

'It's a relief for both of us,' she says. 'The idea that only long sex is good sex is rubbish.'

My friend Marianne couldn't agree more. Her husband suffered from the reverse problem - delayed ejaculation. Although she never dared admit it to him, lovemaking was often stressful and exhausting.

The couple divorced five years ago and now Marianne, 45, has a new partner. To her delight, interminable sex sessions are a thing of the past.

'He's a wonderful lover - fast and furious,' she told me breathlessly. 'I didn't know I could enjoy sex until now.'

Her lover's technique might not suit every woman. But for Marianne, it's perfect.

Then there's Jill, a 35-year-old dance instructor. Her boyfriend doesn't have staying power. But it's not a problem as he compensates with imaginative foreplay, which leaves Jill happy.

'Like most women, my sex drive ebbs and flows depending on what's going in my life,' she says. 'If I'm tired or stressed, the last thing I want is to have to perform for hours in bed.

'So Steve's speed is perfect. We can have long sessions when I'm in the mood and other times he's satisfied very quickly.'

And that's the whole point. Love-making is as varied as the people who make love.

Different styles of sex suit different people and even suit different times in our lives.

Encouraging men to believe that they are good lovers only if they can last a set length of time is ridiculous. It's also potentially very damaging.

We therapists are always advising couples to communicate their needs and be open about their problems. But, as we all know, that's much easier said than done.

Many women become completely tongue-tied when they try to talk about sex. And, of course, if your partner suffers from premature ejaculation, talking about the problem might simply compound it.

Instead, most women have happily reassured their husbands that it doesn't matter. They've found ways to work around it.

And that's why I know that while many women will be too shy to admit it - short sex sessions are far from all bad. (dailymail.co.uk )

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Couple Relationship

Couple Relationship. Statistics about divorce rates in the United States vary widely from one third up to fifty percent. Still, even considering the lower estimations, that would still be every third couple getting divorced.

Surely one reason is the more liberated attitude towards marriage and divorce in our modern society. But there must be different reasons why couples are not getting along in the first place - before divorce becomes an option.

In most cases, it all starts with two people who are madly in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Often (here goes liberation again) they've been living together for a while, and they passed already the initial conflicts that arise from two people who suddenly share a living space.

And there lies already the first possible brick in the wall that will divide them later on. By tendency, men are untidier than women. Unwashed dishes are not really a problem, so are unwashed clothes. And since the friends don't really mind those things either, a rather sketchy clearance will do before receiving visitors.

Again by tendency, women prefer things to be clean, tidy and organized. The reputation is altered by the apartment's or house's state of cleanliness when it comes to visitors, so untidy husbands can be a real nuisance. Especially, when they refuse to share the work-to-be-done in the household or even disregard it.

Behind this are two aspects. First, male role behaviour (you might go as far to say, arrogance): I am a man, I will not do housework. Second, many men simply don't give so much importance to those things. That may be influenced by the time spent at home - even though many women are working, they gradually spend more time at home than men, especially if there are children to be taken care of. So of course, the sensitivity towards unwashed socks is higher.

Still, sometimes the degree of female sensitivity on untidyness can reach annoying levels if it's exaggerated. Nagging behaviour and a constant avalanche of complaints, especially about small and objectively unimportant issues, create a stressed atmosphere and can lead to relationship-damaging and most of all unnecessary arguments.

Conclusion: Guys, be more thoughtful with household chores. Try to get used to helping maintain a certain state of cleanliness– it's not that hard. And girls, don't also be over-sensitive with your partner's domestic imperfection.

Transferring from easy-going single life to married life will raise a lot of responsibilities that have quite some influence on the way of living. Before, there was only one person to negotiate the course of action with - oneself. Now, two opinions have to be heared and compromises have to be made. That can be quite tough, especially when the respective interests are far from each other. Decisions range from the kind of new car to buy (sporty vs. station wagon), the place to visit on holiday (beach vs. culture) to small things like the color of the necktie.

Depending on who's dominant in the marriage, one partner will feel overruled. Or there will be a constant source of arguments if both won't give in. Either way, it leads to a bad mood and a strained relationship.

Conclusion: Don't just show, but really take interest in what your partner really likes doing. Be open-minded, and overcome social role patterns. Maybe you'll find more common interests among each other. On the other side, be fair if your partner really doesn't like something. Offer deals (Icehockey against classic concert), or make compromises. Get used to the thought that marriage will cost you a lot of your personal freedom. Preferrably, get used to that thought BEFORE you decide to get married.

Now you were really enjoying the time together, and it could go on like this for years– and suddenly (well, not that suddenly, but sometimes rather unexpected), there are three of you there. Children can have a serious impact on the plans you made for the next years. Commonly, men are completely and blissfully ignorant when it comes to dealing with babies. This is surely based in social role patterns - and maybe many are just lacking the talent. So the mother often gets stuck with the work. Full-time job might not be an option for a while, so it requires a healthy self-confidence to accept the lack of personal acknowlegdement through working success.

But there is also the other side of the medal: In the case of working couples, the husband's responsibility is increased regarding the family's financial situation. Career decisions and risks are not easily taken anymore, and the budget is usually tighter with a third mouth to feed. At that point, nagging about money and arguments about long working hours can cause the husband to develop a feeling of estrangement towards his family out of the anger from lack of understanding.

Since this can be a volcanic source of arguments, better make sure you realize the work that's coming up to you before having a child. Guys, be helpful. Don't come home after a stressy working day and expect to relax. Depending on the number and temperament of your offspring, your wife probably had an even more stressy day. Help her out where possible - if you can't go with children, at least take over some of the household stuff. Dishes are easier to wash than babies, and they don't fight back. Girls, show understanding if your husband, though trying hard, has got difficulties when it comes to such profane things like changing diapers. They probably didn't have practice with their little siblings when they were young, and they didn't share a similar affection towards dolls.

Arguments cannot be avoided. Still, try to maintain a civilized way of dealing with each other. It's better to swallow your pride and a sharp reply than hurting your partner's feelings. Be open to criticism. That's the hardest part of all, but what do you expect when you share your intimate life with someone? Fight the first impulse to defend yourself when criticized and keep your mouth shut. Admit your mistakes. And avoid being resentful. You won't like it being done to you either.

Two partners should be equal in marriage, so no one will rule over the other. That means a lot of compromises and probably a reduction of former pleasant spare-time activities. Be prepared for that, and keep in mind that what might be great fun for you is a waste of time for your partner.

Remind yourself of the love you feel for each other, and show it. There's no law against being sweet even if you've been married for some years. And if you're having a hard time, clear your mind, and remember why in the first place you got married. ( loveletterbox.com )

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Finally, an apology to the last two boys forcibly sent to live in Australia 39 years ago

Finally, an apology to the last two boys forcibly sent to live in Australia 39 years ago. Until the the practice was banned in the 1960s, more than 130,000 British children were sent to Australia to start new lives without their parents.

These two young boys were the last to go.

Three years after the practice was made illegal, 11-year-old Rex Wade and his little brother Kevin were dispatched to the other side of the world.

Childhood tragedy: Rex Wade, right, then five, with brother Kevin

Arriving in Tasmania, Rex was put to work, endured regular beatings and was ultimately imprisoned for trying to escape.

When he was eventually freed from an offenders' institution at the age of 26, he sold all his possessions to buy a ticket home.

Now, aged 51, he has finally received an apology from the authorities that sent him away.

Mr Wade told how he and Kevin, then nine, were taken from their mother after the death of their father by Cornwall council officials and flown to Australia in December 1970.

Mr Wade who now lives near Newquay, Cornwall, said: 'I was put on a plane with my little brother and a suitcase each.

'I never saw my mother again. We had no idea what was happening to us and why we were going away. We ended up in a care home, regularly receiving punishments and beatings.

Rex Wade: 'Our lives were ruined'

'The whole experience ruined my life. We were treated like slaves. It was wrong and should never have happened.' More than 130,000 poor and orphaned British children were sent to Australia to be used as child labour before the practice was outlawed in 1967.

The Child Migrants Programme saw thousands of children sent with Government approval by church organisations and charities to Commonwealth countries.

From the 1930s, Britain transported children as young as three to farm schools in Australia, Canada, New Zealand and Canada.

They were classed as orphans but most of them were just from poor families or born to unmarried mothers.

Once abroad, they were frequently used as cheap labour or became the victims of physical or sexual abuse.

The Wade brothers faced daily beatings from the couple who ran the care home.

After selling his few possessions to buy a one-way ticket back to England, Rex Wade married his wife Annie, now 54, but has battled alcoholism all his life.

He said: 'The care home was brutal - if the grass wasn't cut in a certain way you'd be punished for it and he'd throw things at you like a stone or a shovel until it was done right.'

Kevin Wade joined the Navy after he left the home in the 1980s and still lives in Australia.

A spokesman for Cornwall Council-apologised and said migration was a 'sad and highly emotive chapter in the country's history'.

He said: 'Modern-day practices, which are set out in legislation and overseen by the courts, would not use this as an option for children in the care of local authorities.

The council recognises that this may have been a difficult experience for some individuals, and has offered counselling and support to those affected.'

Mr Wade has been compensated by the Tasmanian government.

In November Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd apologised to people abused or neglected while they were in state care.( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Finally, an apology to the last two boys forcibly sent to live in Australia 39 years ago

Hottest sex variations

Hottest sex variations. When your relationship isn't a humdrum affair, then why should your sex life be dull and lifeless? There's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex.

A marvelous sexual connection includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven't dared to experiment with perhaps. Check out the different kinds of love making acts you and your lover can indulge in for a night of passion.

There's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex. (Getty Images)

Experimental sex

Couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple's love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. "Try pushing the regular comfort zones. It may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; you can even go for thrilling experiences like making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place." explains Meera Wahi, married for last nine years.

Why to try : There's nothing like the moment when you're struggling for breath thinking, "That was amazing, we've never done that before." Experts suggest that no matter how long you've been in a relationship, you need to have an earth-shattering sexual experience every once in a while. What's more try pushing the boundaries, as this will heighten the trust between you two, create an exceptional comfort level and minimise the possibilities of casual flings outside the relationship. So, go ahead and clue in to Your partner's covert bedroom urges to transform the every-night mediocre sex to a mind-blowing encounter. You'll harvest the sensually gratifying perks too.

Necessary sex

Necessary sex can be explained as 'just-for-the-heck-of-it sex', which is vital for a long-term relationship to retain its sexual spark. These are your very special, intimate 'me-time' moments which relieve stress, burns calories and lift spirits. Supports Mihika, a 31-year-old, new mom, "As a new mom, I am tired most of the times. However, I make special effort to get going in the bed and this makes me feel closer to him. Even if the sex isn't that good, it feels like the relationship has become stronger."

Why to try : Necessary sex is all about decreasing sexual anxiety, accomplishing the Big O, and feeling good about your sexual prowess. Experts say that regular physical contact actually tunes the brain into the need to feel emotionally close. By making sex a regular habit, you can open new avenues of bonding as a couple. Moreover, doing it sometimes when you are not in the perfect mood can gear you up for something much hotter the next time around. And most importantly, don't forget how much a hit-the-roof orgasm does to keep your sex spark bright.

Bummer sex

Admit it, for it's something that's bound to happen. An awkward grunt, a stupid expression, somebody walking in unexpectedly or may be slipping down the bed, all of us can have these embarrassing moments that we would like to ideally forget. Akhil, a 27-year-old choreographer, recollects, "We'd been together since last one year. The last time we were having sex, her roommate just walked in. We didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we laughed our heart out. The voyeurism added to the fire, needless to say."

Why to try : Don't fret about imperfect moments in your sex life; just rejoice and hold your lover tight. Your ability to deal with embarrassing situations reflects the strength of your relationship, say experts. Real understanding is about being able to feel at ease with each other in awkward circumstances as well. Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac of all and often provides the sexual thrill which can last a lifetime. React positively to embarrassing sexual mishaps and she will add funny, cute and smart to her mental list of reasons as to why she chooses to be intimate with you.

Vacation sex

A new, romantic locale often allows lovers to rediscover each another in a new light. Amidst trying different platters, adventure sports or checking out a variety of nightlife activities, every evening feels like a special date night. Vacation sexcapades act as a catalyst to reignite the passion in a relationship and make a couple feel more connected. "When on a vacation, you're at your most carefree best, which means you can try out new things you won't have to be accountable for at home. We went to Kerala on a friend's recommendation, and needless to say we had the best sex ever," shares Sidhartha, a 39-year-old business man.

Why to try : Something about leaving the laptop behind, turning the cell phone off and relaxing makes the sex better. Experts say that being in a totally alien environment sparks a sense of adventure and boldness in couples. All of this adds up to stimulating sex, which is more gratifying and more memorable than what couples have at home. Moreover, a vacation is the best place to get 'sexperimental'. When people encounter new experiences, dopamine spikes in the brain, eliciting a feeling of all encompassing lust. This is one of the reasons a vast majority of relationship counsellors recommend regular getaways as one of the things that can help strengthen your bond.

Make-up sex

There is nothing like engaging in a sexual reconciliation after a long, gut-wrenching argument. The quality of such sex is directly proportional to the amount of time spent apart; courtesy - the phenomenal release of emotions. "After all the screaming and blaming is over and we proceed towards reconciling, I fall in love with him all over again. This after-fight sex gives me the same kick as that 'beginning sex' when we first meet. All of that anger is released into passion and it's like we just want to tear down the place," admits Mehul, who's been married for seven years.

Why to try : Experts believe that make-up sex is a quick and effective way to get rid of the frustrations from a past argument. Also, it gives women the opportunity to be sexually aggressive, which might be a welcome change. This kind of sex is overloaded with passion because you have the rush of very intense emotions, from anger to joy. And when you're intimate like that, you're likely to have a strong orgasm, which releases Oxytocin, the bonding hormone which creates a physiological bonding mechanism between you and your beau.

Solace sex

If you are feeling miserable, dejected, anguished or lonely, sex can be the perfect remedy. Soothing sex is more emotional, more engaging and possibly more expressive than the usual act, because the desire to connect to life is enormous. You concentrate on cuddling and affection, rather than on climaxing. Diksha Ramani shares her experience, "My husband lost his mom and my brother was going though a cancer ordeal. In those times, we resorted to sex. It just distracted us from all our problems and reiterated the fact that we are there for each other. It was like a life-asserting act in the face of grief."

Why to try : Research points out towards the fact that those who can count on their partners to be there for them emotionally have sex more often and enjoy it all the more. Experts say that making each other feel loved and cared for is the most powerful way to bring the psychological and physical elements of your Realtionship together. Solace sex intensifies your bond with your lover and makes lovemaking a great source of eroticism and ecstasy. Such consoling acts may not necessarily be exciting, but it makes you feel very good and lifts up your dampened spirits. Moreover, when people feel safe with each other, they can also deal with their differences and problems effortlessly.

Supersensual Sex

With sensual sex, it's not only about where you and Your partner are going, but the process that gets you there. Remember that women aren't the only ones who desire slow-burn sexual intimacy. So whenever you have the gift of time, indulge in expressive lovemaking, which can be a blissful surprise and act like a relationship booster. "Knowing that he cares enough to love me for hours makes me feel very good. At that time, I feel as if I am his one and only priority. And trust me, such emotional benefits do have long-lasting effects," says Ridhima.

Why to try : Experts believe that supersensual sex is an extension of selfless love, which fulfills, satisfies, and helps couples bonds. This is when emotional candidness and sensitivity, affectionate touches and erotic exploration all unite. The key requirement here is not crazy sexual techniques, but a safe emotional acquaintance. Moreover, your bond in general feels more cherished when you turn the bedroom into a place which is not just about sexual sensations. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses, and relax into sexual feelings.

Do not bind your experiences to the standard fare, when there's a whole sensual world out there for you both to explore. After all, spicing up your sex routine can bring the much-required mystery and adventure to your love life, and keep it grooving. ( indiatimes.com )

READ MORE - Hottest sex variations

The art of Ayurveda

The art of Ayurveda. Ayurveda is the beauty world's best kept secret. Meaning 'knowledge of life', it originated 3,000 years ago in India.

It is a traditional holistic health and beauty philosophy which harnesses the natural benefits of herbs and spices.

How does it work?

The main aim of ayurveda is to encourage people to take control of their wellbeing, both physical and spiritual, by understanding the body's imbalances and rectifying these with diet and self-help therapies. Now you can try it yourself because the Body Shop has launched its own ayurvedic beauty and health range.

The ayurvedic philosophy works on a belief that the individual characteristics of our mind, body and spirit fall into three different groups called 'doshas'. Depending on your temperament and physical health, you may either be a Pitta (Fire), Vata (Air) Kapha (Earth).

PITTAS

Typical Pittas: Madonna, Cindy Crawford and Jennifer Aniston.

Traits: You are dynamic and passionate and you do not like to be ignored. At your best, you are intelligent, perceptive and highly efficient. You are a natural leader.

At worst, you tend to be overcritical of others and you are often too intense and competitive.

Remedies: You need to de-stress and concentrate on not getting overwrought. Try the Body Shop's Pitta herbal supplement to calm you down (£15 for 50 tablets) and their Pitta pillow spray, which is made from a variety of calming herb essences, to lull you to sleep before you start worrying about work (£9 for 150ml).

Because of your highly competitive nature, you are likely to suffer from painful PMT because you push yourself too hard, so try The Ayurvedic Company's Feminac capsules for problem periods.

Feminac is a multi-herb dietary supplement made from a herbal recipe that has been used to treat menstrual problems for thousands of years (£6.95 for 60 capsules).

To tame your temper, try The Ayurvedic Company's Shatavari Tonic, which soothes nerves and increases strength and the immune system.

Shatavari is also commonly used by both breast-feeding mothers to increase lactation and by menopausal women to relieve symptoms such as excessive sweating, hot flushes and irritability (£6.95 for 60 capsules).

Also for de-stressing, try Bharti Vyas's Holistic Refresh Oil. It will encourage relaxation and will also help increase energy levels (£12.99 for 100ml).

Bharti also makes Ayurvedic Soap, which helps to even out skin tone and reduce skin irritation to help you calm down (£3.99 a bar).

Finally, ease away your worries with the Ayurvedic Company's refreshing Pitta Tea. It should be taken when you feel anxious or if you have irritable skin or rashes and flushes (£2.95 for 50ml).

KAPHAS

Typical Kaphas: Kate Winslet, Christina Ricci and Oprah Winfrey.

Traits: You are solid, dependable and very loyal. You are brilliant to have around in a crisis. At best, you are open, friendly and a great listener. At worst, you are lethargic and like to be entertained, which can make you hard work as a friend or partner.

Remedies: You need to concentrate on energising and motivating yourself. You are naturally prone to lethargy. Try the Body Shop's Kapha Cleansing Body Scrub to stimulate your lymphatic system (£15 for 350ml).

In the mornings, the Body Shop's Kapha Renewal Brew Herbal Tea will cleanse your system and wake you up (£7 for 350g).

Skin tone and is excellent for treating dry skin (£12.99 for 100ml).

Her Keen Oil will aid the dispersion of unwanted localised fatty deposits (£12.99 for 100ml).

Kaphas are prone to allergies and asthma so, for summer, try Bharti's Aller H and Antifect supplements to protect the body against pollen and enhance detoxification (£6.99 for 100 tablets).

Ayurveda Company's Basil Toner and Basil Cream are brilliant for getting rid of water retention and thoroughly cleansing the skin. Basil is the ancient ayurvedic remedy for pimples, which you may get because of your often erratic diet.

The mask stimulates the skin's circulation during application and removal and encourages cell renewal to prevent scarring, while the toner cleanses it. (Toner, £9.95 for 100ml; cream, £6.95 for 50g).

Also try their Anti-Obesity Tea, which is a fragrant drink formulated to help balance and regulate fat in the body for the Kapha's sluggish metabolism (£2.95 for 100g).

VATAS

Typical Vatas: Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow and Julia Roberts.

Traits: You live life at a hectic pace, with quickly changing moods and many ups and downs in your emotions.

You are at your best when you are using your imagination. You are highly motivated and you get things done.

At your worst, you are easily stressed, scatty and quickly exhausted, which can take its toll on your nerves and on your digestion.

Remedies: You need to do as much as possible to slow yourself down and rationalise your thoughts. You are likely to suffer from spots because of your dramatic mood swings.

Try the Ayurvedic Company's Vata face mask. Water is added to this powder to make an effective exfoliator. The paste removes dead skin, cleanses and stimulates circulation, leaving the face with a radiant glow (£3.95 for 50g).

Also try their Bath Powder, which is a mask that acts as both a body cleanser and exfoliator. The paste is applied to the body to draw out toxins and impurities. It is then washed off in a circular motion to exfoliate and encourage circulation (£3.95 for 50g).

The Body Shop's Vata Nourishing Body Balm (£10 for 200ml) and Vata Massage Gel (£9 for 100ml) will help you calm down.

Have as many massages as possible to stop you getting too hyperactive. Practice rubbing the balm rhythmically into your body to relax and comfort yourself. Bharti recommends Santhwana Oil, which encourages relaxing and sound sleep (£12.99 for 100ml) for manic Vatas.

Her Promotor Hair Oil helps to reduce dandruff and inflammation to the hair follicle - classic Vata complaints because they generally have too much adrenaline and so overproduce the male hormones that cause dandruff (£12.99 for 100ml).

Bharti's Rheumaxin tablets will help to reduce inflammation of the joints by helping to clear toxin buildup. This is a common Vata complaint because they drink too much coffee and alcohol (£6.99 for 100 tablets).

The Ayurvedic Company's Vata Tea is calming and relaxing. Drink it if you feel restless and your sleep is interrupted. Or try taking it when travelling or if the weather is dry and cold (£2.95 for 50ml). ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - The art of Ayurveda

Does poverty make people obese ?.

Your Big Fat Asses …Does poverty make people obese, or is it the other way around?. In my last column ("Let Them Drink Water!"), I suggested that a tax on sweetened soft drinks would move the nation toward an apartheid of pleasure in which the poor must drink from the faucet while the rich enjoy superpremium fruit juice.

I also argued that the soda tax discriminates on economic grounds, since rates of soft drink consumption tend to be highest in poor, nonwhite communities. But supporters of the measure counter that these very communities would benefit most from drinking less soda and that revenue from a regressive fat tax could be spent on laudable progressive goals—like universal health care.

The relationship between poverty and obesity keeps turning up in the debate over health care reform. Among the 46 million people in America who lack medical insurance, about two-thirds earn less than twice the poverty level (PDF). Advocates for universal coverage say that we can pay for all these new patients by cutting back on obesity rates, since excess fat accounts for 9 percent of the country's spending on medical care. (During the campaign, then-Sen. Obama claimed this might save the Medicare system $1 trillion.) Some even suggest that a reform package should include special taxes or higher premiums for fat people. That idea starts to seem misguided, though, when you consider that poverty and obesity tend to overlap in some complicated ways.

As a matter of public health, it might be more important to help poor people than fat people. According to epidemiologist Peter Muennig, the relative risk of mortality for being obese is between 1 and 2. That means that, controlling for other factors, someone who's really fat is up to twice as likely to die early as someone whose body mass index is in the normal range. But if you compare people from the top and bottom of the wage scale (with everything else held constant), the risk ratio goes up to about 3.5. In other words, it's much better for your health to be rich and fat than poor and thin.

Those in greatest need, furthermore, tend to be both poor and fat. We know, for instance, that the lower your income, the more likely you are to inhabit an "obesogenic" environment. Food options in poor neighborhoods are severely limited: It's a lot easier to find quarter waters and pork rinds on the corner than fresh fruit and vegetables. Low-income workers may also have less time to cook their own meals, less money to join sports clubs, and less opportunity to exercise outdoors.

If poverty can be fattening, so, too, can fat be impoverishing. Paul Ernsberger, a professor of nutrition at Case Western Reserve University, lays out this argument in an essay from The Fat Studies Reader, due out in November. Women who are two standard deviations overweight (that's 64 pounds above normal) make 9 percent less money (PDF), which equates to having 1.5 fewer years of education or three fewer years of work experience. Obese women are also half as likely to attend college as their peers (PDF) and 20 percent less likely to get married. (Marriage seems to help alleviate poverty.)

When it comes to public health, the relationship between poverty and obesity gets more convoluted. Being fat can make you poor, and being poor can make you sick, which means that being fat can make you sick irrespective of any weight-related diseases. Fatness (or the lifestyle associated with obesity) also creates its own health problems, regardless of how much money you have—and health problems tend to make people poor, through hospital bills and missed days of work. So fat can be impoverishing irrespective of any weight-related discrimination.

The point here is that sickness, poverty, and obesity are spun together in a dense web of reciprocal causality. Anyone who's fat is more likely to be poor and sick. Anyone who's poor is more likely to be fat and sick. And anyone who's sick is more likely to be poor and fat.

Sociologists describe these patterns in terms of social gradients. The "health-wealth gradient" refers to the fact that, as a general rule, the richer you are, the healthier you are. This applies across different countries and across the full range of social classes within the same country. (It's not just that the very poorest people are sick.) No one knows exactly what causes the health-wealth gradient or why it's so resilient. It may be that rich people have access to better health care. Or, as we've seen, it could be that being sick costs you money. Then there's the possibility that poor people have a greater incentive to behave in unhealthy ways: Since they don't have as much money to spend on happiness, they "spend" their health instead. (The pleasures of smoking and eating, for example, are easy on the wallet and hard on the body.)

Related to the health-wealth gradient is what we might call the "girth-wealth" gradient. In 1989, a pair of researchers named Albert Stunkard and Jeffery Sobal pored over several decades' worth of data on obesity rates and concluded that socioeconomic status and body size were inversely related among women in developed countries. A recent review by Lindsay McLaren found that the pattern of poor women being fatter than rich ones has begun to spread into the developing world. (For men, the girth-wealth gradient tends to go in the opposite direction, and the health effects of obesity are somewhat diminished.)

Both gradients appear to be deeply entrenched in modern life, and we shouldn't count on universal health coverage to erase either one. International surveys suggest that the development of free medical care—through the National Health Service in the United Kingdom, for example—doesn't much alter the fundamental relationship between health and wealth. It's also not clear that expanded health coverage is likely to make the poor any less fat. A study published over the summer even suggests that the opposite might be true—a public option could end up increasing obesity rates among the newly insured.

The mere existence of these gradients does suggest that if we spread around the wealth a little better, poor people would end up healthier—and thinner—than they were before. According to British economists Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, this benefit wouldn't necessarily come at the expense of the rich. Their new book, The Spirit Level: Why Greater Equality Makes Societies Stronger, uses data from the World Bank, the World Health Organization, and the U.S. Census to argue that disparities in income produce a wide range of social ills—like obesity, teen pregnancy, mental illness, murder, and infant mortality—that could be addressed by shrinking the gap between the haves and the have-nots. Indeed, the United Kingdom's Labor government has taken up this charge in recent years, with a series of measures to reduce inequality in the name of public health.

The United States could try to do the same, by raising the minimum wage or increasing earned-income tax credits. In 2001, Princeton economist Angus Deaton considered the implications of a Robin Hood health policy. (His thoughtful and accessible paper on the topic is well worth reading.) Deaton concluded that a direct redistribution of wealth might be an efficient way to improve the health of the poorest Americans. But he warned that equality shouldn't be treated as an end in itself. A fancy new treatment, for example, might steepen the health-wealth gradient when it's first introduced, since only the rich can afford it. But that doesn't mean we should avoid medical breakthroughs for the sake of public health. According to Deaton, a saner approach would be to invest in education, since better schooling seems to improve your health and raise your income, too.

You don't hear anyone suggesting that better schools could pay for health care reform, though. Instead, we've pegged our hopes on a national weight-loss regime—a redistribution of girth instead of wealth. If being poor can make you fat and vice versa, then we can't solve one health problem while ignoring the other. Yet we act as though the war on obesity can be separated out from the war on poverty: Consider the soda tax—an anti-obesity measure that shifts money away from the poor.

Why are we so fixated on body size? Another social gradient might be playing out in this policy debate: It turns out that the richer you are, the more likely you are to be on a diet. (Among fat people, more wealth correlates with lower self-esteem.) So it's only natural that we'd be hung up on the issue of obesity—we're projecting. In my next column, I'll look at how this tendency might itself be a risk to public health. ( slate.com )

READ MORE - Does poverty make people obese ?.

Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer

Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer. Maya and Jack had ten years together, but they didn't have these soul-baring conversations until the last days of his life. Take a moment to read their story, and then be inspired by them to have these honest talks with the person you love, now.

Maya and Jack didn't have these soul-baring conversations until the last days of his life. Start them now, she says, with someone you love.

At first it sounds like a movie cliché: Jack and I met at a wedding where I caught the bouquet. I'd noticed him the minute he walked in, so when he asked me to dance, I was giddy. After one song, I felt like I'd known him my whole life.

But on our second date, Jack pulled some pills out of a vial on his key chain and said that he had a liver disease. At 15 he had been told he'd live a year, but at 27, after lots of medicine and procedures, he was healthy, playing racquetball, mountain climbing … and having dinner with me. I thought I could handle it. I was just 19 and didn't grasp how serious his condition was. I did know pretty fast, though, that we were serious. As we dated and got close, I could imagine being with him forever.

Eventually the liver infections came back, and within five years we got news from his doctors: Jack would need a transplant to live — and, said Jack, to get married. He didn't want to propose with a bad liver. He couldn't bear leaving me behind.

Finally, on July 2, 2005, Jack had his transplant. But the surgery didn't have the happy outcome we'd hoped for. The doctors found gallbladder cancer. Still, seven months later, at sunrise on a beach near the hospital, Jack got down on one knee and proposed. He was so bloated from chemo-induced kidney failure that I had to help him get back up. But I had no doubts. However long I could, I wanted to be his wife. A few weeks later, after a session of dialysis (to celebrate, the clinic staff sang the wedding march: "Dah dum dah dum …"), we eloped.

Our hope for a full future lasted not quite three years. Then things went bad. Every medical complication you could get, Jack got. Finally, together we made the decision to stop chemo and begin hospice care at home in August 2008. One night in his last couple of weeks, I said to Jack, "What do you want to talk about? What do you want to say to me?" That's when our amazing nightly talks started. We shared it all, things we'd never brought up in our 10 years together. Jack died on September 21, 2008, but I can say I have no regrets. Well, that's not entirely true. I wish we'd talked about all these things sooner. So I beg of you, talk about the tough subjects. In honor of my Jack, when you're with someone you love, ask each other these questions:

1. What did you really think when you first met me?

After we danced at that wedding, we were walking in an alley by the restaurant, and Jack said, "Oh, look — a shooting star!" We stopped and gazed at it silently. All those years later, Jack said, "I never told you what I wished for. What I wished was, 'I wish she were mine'." He'd never told me that. Life's too short — why not say what's in your heart?

2. Do you belive in God?

We'd never really talked about religion. Jack's parents are Jewish and Catholic, but he wasn't raised as either. I'm Catholic but didn't want to push that on him. In our last weeks together, we asked each other: Where am I going? What is my life about? What about my soul? At Jack's request, a priest even came to do a blessing and, eventually, last rites. I think it was a real comfort for him.

Just as Jack found faith, I now believe that energy is all around us. While Jack was sick, for instance, we would talk by walkie-talkie when he was in bed and I was in the kitchen. He died at 10:00 A.M. on a Sunday, and from noon on, that walkie-talkie made static noises, like it did when he would talk to me. I still get chills. I know it sounds a little crazy, but I absolutely think Jack was letting me know he was there.

3. What little things do you love about each other?

In his last weeks, Jack kept a journal. He wrote, "When we played Rock Band, I loved how something so simple could make you so happy." I had no idea! My "little thing" was a baby photo I'd seen of Jack in his playpen, laughing. Whenever he'd laugh a really deep belly laugh, he looked just like that. It warmed my heart, and I told him so. Let each other in on the secret moments you cherish.

4. What was missing whe you were growing up?

We'd talked about our families before, of course, but in the end, we spoke a lot about what we didn't get growing up, and what we hoped we had provided each other. Jack, for example, wished he'd gotten more spoken "I love yous," so I gave that to him. Through the years, my mother and I faced economic struggles, so Jack did everything he could to make me feel safe financially.

5. What would you change about each other?

Jack knew that I'd always had a type-A personality, so he had to teach me it's OK to relax and enjoy life. Over the years, he got me to try skiing, kayaking, even snorkeling in Hawaii! But in those last two weeks, I think Jack worried that, without him, I wouldn't keep trying new things. Jack said to me, "I want you to be more adventurous. I want even more for you." As a tribute to him, I've parasailed and am about to go to Tuscany with a girlfriend. And a few months after Jack's death, I went to the Bahamas with another girlfriend — a trip he had actually planned for me, saying, "I think it's something you'll need to do."

6. What are your greatest fears?

I don't mean if you're scared of bugs or heights; I mean the real things. Jack, for instance, wasn't afraid of dying. He was more scared of what would happen to me afterward — that I'd fall into a bad relationship or drink too much or maybe even want to end my life. Most of all, though, he said, "I'm afraid of leaving you."

I then shared my biggest fear, which was having to move forward and have a life after him. I was very candid with Jack about this, about not wanting to marry again. My mom said, "You're too honest. You have to stop upsetting him." But I had to tell him the truth. And Jack gave me the greatest gift. He said, "I want you to meet someone and have the family we couldn't." And as painful as it was for me to hear those things, I'm now so glad he told me that. I know that when I'm ready, I'll just say, "Jack, send me someone to love."

On the first anniversary of Jack's death, I visited the cemetery rose garden where I'd scattered some of his ashes. I brought some flowers, sat down and talked to him for a while. The hardest part, still, is when I want to tell him something and he's not there. So please, for me — for Jack — if you feel it, say it. Don't ever waste that chance. ( msn.com )

READ MORE - Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer