Workers Saving Too Little to Retire

Workers Saving Too Little to Retire - Workers and employers in the U.S. are bracing for a retirement crisis, even as the stock market sits near highs and the economy shows signs of improvement.

New data show that powerful financial and demographic forces are combining to squeeze individuals and companies that are trying to save for the future and make their money last.

Fifty-seven percent of U.S. workers surveyed reported less than $25,000 in total household savings and investments excluding their homes, according to a report to be released Tuesday by the Employee Benefit Research Institute. Only 49% reported having so little money saved in 2008.

The survey also found that 28% of Americans have no confidence they will have enough money to retire comfortably—the highest level in the study's 23-year history.

 

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The same forces are weighing on corporate balance sheets. Based on another recent report, the Society of Actuaries said that rising life expectancies could add as much as $97 billion to corporate pension liabilities in coming years, an increase of up to 5%.

While Americans are living longer, the extended life spans will make it tougher for workers trying to stretch retirement savings and put additional strains on pension plans.

Scott Ghelfi, 49 years old, a small-business owner in Falmouth, Mass., and his wife own two candy stores and a children's clothing shop. He said they didn't make their normal $24,000 contribution to their retirement plan two years ago because they couldn't afford to take the money out of the businesses.

The total amount in the couple's retirement accounts is less than $200,000, which he considers inadequate.

"Sales are fine, but we're not growing rapidly like we were several years back, and everything is more expensive," Mr. Ghelfi said.

He isn't alone. The percentage of workers who have saved for retirement plunged to 66% from 75% in 2009, according to the Employee Benefit Research Institute survey.

Only about half of the 1,003 workers and 251 retirees surveyed said they were sure they could come up with $2,000 if an unexpected need were to arise in the next month.

"Workers are recognizing there is a crisis," said Alicia Munnell, director of the Boston College Center for Retirement Research. She noted that companies continue to do away with traditional pensions.

The survey of workers and retirees was conducted in January, even as the U.S. stock market was heading toward new highs.

Many people are struggling to make sure they don't run out of money in retirement, said Jack VanDerhei, research director at EBRI, a nonprofit in Washington, D.C.

The EBRI survey doesn't count traditional pensions, which are designed to provide retirees for steady income throughout their lives.

But pensions have become a much smaller component of Americans' retirement-savings mix over the years. The portion of private-sector U.S. workers covered only by so-called defined-benefit plans fell to 3% in 2011 from 28% in 1979, according to U.S. Department of Labor data compiled by EBRI.

Companies that still offer pensions might have to kick in more money to account for longer life spans.

The Society of Actuaries in September released the first update since 2000 to its mortality projections for U.S. retirement plans, which project life spans for pensioners.

The report offers assumptions that actuaries use to project mortality rates.

Companies are expected to start using the new assumptions this year.

According to the society, a male who reaches age 65 in 2013 is expected to live an additional 20.5 years, up from 19.5 in the earlier projections. Women turning 65 this year are now expected to live an additional 22.7 years, up from 21.3.

Although the increases might seem small, Bruce Cadenhead, chief retirement actuary with Mercer, a consulting unit of Marsh & McLennan Cos., said they are the largest he has seen in more than 25 years.

"It represents a meaningful jump in liabilities," he said.

Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. cited the growth in the life expectancy for its plan's beneficiaries as one reason its global pension-funding gap widened to $3.5 billion last year from $3.1 billion in 2011. A Goodyear spokesman said it made the mortality adjustment "because we saw an increase in [the] actual longevity of our participants."

U.S. pension obligations for all publicly traded companies based in the U.S. totaled $1.93 trillion at the end of 2012, up from $1.60 trillion in 2008, according to Mercer.

The effect of longer life spans on pension obligations has been dwarfed by the impact of declining interest rates over recent years. Because of the way pension obligations are calculated, lower interest rates means that future obligations are higher today.

But interest rates are likely to rise at some point, which will lessen pension obligations. That is less likely with longevity assumptions.

"Rates can go up," said Rama Variankaval, an executive director in the corporate finance advisory group of J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.'s investment bank. "Mortality is more of a one-way street."

Individuals face the same problem, Mr. Cadenhead said: "If we're asking them to provide for their own retirement, they're living longer, and it takes more money to provide for their own needs over the course of a lifetime."

Joe LaCascia, a 75-year-old retired insurance broker in Polk City, Fla., said he and his wife thought they would have enough savings outside their life insurance policies to last until age 95.

Now, he estimates he only has enough to last until they're 85.

He said he is more concerned about what the future holds for his children, a 51-year-old art director-turned-roadie and a 49-year-old third-grade teacher.

"They're never going to be able to create wealth, other than what our generation leaves them and what they do with it," he said. "They have more uncertainty than we have." ( The Wall Street Journal )

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Fine Asian Art and Antiques Sale At Kaminski Features Impressive Pieces

Fine Asian Art and Antiques Sale At Kaminski Features Impressive Pieces - High quality Chinese items shone at Kaminski Auction’s recent Fine Asian Art and Antiques sale, held on Saturday, January 26.

High quality Chinese items shone at Kaminski Auction’s recent Fine Asian Art and Antiques sale, held on Saturday, January 26. Over four hundred lots reached the auctioneers podium over the course of the six-hour sale for a day of competitive in person, online, and over the phone bidding. From ceramic s, to jade and ivory, the auction offered a variety of valuable items from Asia. The top lot of the day, however, belonged to none of those familiar categories. The striking top lot, an antique zitan wooden throne, sparked a frenzy of bidding that drove the price far and away above the original estimate of $6,000.00 to $8,000.00. Ultimately sold for $29,000.00, the stunning throne featured elaborate carved designs. A carved dragon encircled with a fire and cloud pattern highlighted the back panel. Dragons decorating the armrests continued the intricate motif.

The other top lots of the sale, although smaller in size, made a similarly large impression upon the bidding audience. A green jadeite bangle from the nineteenth century also sold well above estimate. The elegant, gold embellished piece carried an estimate of $600.00 to $900.00, but initiated quick and competitive online bidding that finally brought the price to $5,500.00.

Many ceramic pieces also sold above estimate. Particularly noteworthy were the few fine examples of famille rose and famille vert ceramics among the top lots of the sale. One such lot was Lot 7087, a famille vert vase in the gu form with four dragons and a floral scrolling pattern. This eye-catching piece captured significant interest and reached $4,750.00, far more than its estimated $800.00 to $1,200.00 value.

A famille rose figure of a reclining happy Buddha also commanded the interest of the audience. The exceptional sculpted and painted detail of this Buddha drove the price above the original high estimate. The popular piece sold for $2,100.00. A famille rose candleholder that carried a Jia Qing mark on the base, scrolling flower designs and auspicious marks, sold for $3,250.00.

An exceptional set of three export rose mandarin Chinese platters from the early nineteenth century, was also among the top selling lots of the auction. The platter set was finely decorated with a wide figural borders running around central cartouches of butterflies and vegetables. It sold for $3,250.00.

Two more unusual lots piqued special interest with the auction’s in-person and online audience. An atypical ivory box from eighteenth century Mughal Empire of India attracted many bidders. The intriguing box was labeled “Spink and Son #11” and was affixed with silver handles that emphasized intricate carvings covering the box. The box sold at its high estimate of $4,000.00.

A remarkable set of ten collectable Chinese one Jiao bank notes rounded out the top ten lots of the sale. The 1960 bank notes were marked with the serial number IV IX 9412164-9412171, and sold for a high $3,250.00.

Other items of interest included a brown agate Dzai bead, which sold for above the $800.00 high estimate for $1,100.00.

The Fine Asian Art and Antiques sale wrapped up a busy month of auction for Kaminski. The successful auction saw the sale of many valuable Asian objects to a substantial phone and in person audience, as well as over 321 Internet bidders, with a total of $165,000.00 in online sales. Please email asian(at)kaminskiauctions(dot)com or contact Bob Yang at 508-873-9595.

KAMINSKI
Kaminski Auctions, located on the North Shore of Boston, has been serving the New England antiques market for over 25 years as a full service auction house and appraisal service for fine art, antiques and estates.

With two locations in Beverly, Massachusetts, including a new state of the art auction gallery located at 117 Elliott Street, and a historic 1850’s barn and office facility at 564 Cabot Street, Kaminski Auctions hosts 25 auctions a year.

In today’s highly competitive market of fine art and antiques, Kaminski Auctions provides its customers with bicoastal services and marketing with west coast offices in Beverly Hills and San Diego, California.

Kaminski Auctions offers specialty departments in Asian Art and Antiques, Silver, Glass and Lamps, Couture and Vintage Clothing, Photography and Modern Design . We have highly trained and knowledgable appraisers on staff that will help you determine the true value of your antiques, or entire collections. Free Appraisal days are offered every Tuesday from 10:00am-4:30pm at our 564 Cabot Street location in Beverly, Massachusetts & our 5171 Santa Fe Street location in San Diego, California. We welcome emailed photos of your items! ( prweb )

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Teen fatally shot when he mistakenly went into wrong house

Teen fatally shot when he mistakenly went into wrong house - Caleb Gordley, a popular athlete who had been living in a brick house with his parents and sister for about a year, sneaked out of his house to go to a party with friends after he'd been grounded for not cleaning his room.

A 16-year-old who lived in Loudoun County, Va., was shot and killed when he accidentally entered the wrong house.

When he returned around 2 a.m. he slipped into the house he thought was his. Friends said he had been drinking and mistook his neighbor’s similar house two doors down for his own and climbed in through the back window.

When the burglar alarm sounded, the homeowner treated Caleb as an intruder, and shot and killed him.

Caleb’s father, Shawn Gordley, told The Washington Post, “They have the exact same staircase as us, the exact same carpet. Caleb clearly thought he was in his own house.” He added, “He probably stumbled around and was just trying to go to his room.”

At Sterling Park High school in Sterling, Va., students mourned the loss of a talented athlete. The coach of the basketball team, Mike Koscinski, who had advanced Caleb to varsity this year, said of the junior, “He was the hype man. He got everyone hyped up before games.”

A statement from the family reads, “Between the darkness and him being under the influence of alcohol, his mistake turned into the ultimate tragedy.”

Police are continuing to investigate the shooting, but Virginia law gives “wide latitude to people who fear for their safety when someone breaks into their homes,” according to The Washington Post.

Family members hold photos of Caleb Gordley in Sterling, Va. (Associated Press/Ann Heisenfelt)

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Fears over missing persons changes

Fears over missing persons changes - Childcare experts have raised concerns over plans to stop police being called out to around a third of missing persons cases.

The NSPCC warned that the changes could put children at risk of being sexually exploited, while the Children's Society claimed that pilots carried out were too short to prove the plans were safe.

Under the changes, call handlers will class cases as either "absent", when a person fails to arrive somewhere they are expected, or "missing", where there is a specific reason for concern.

The NSPCC have voiced concerns over plans to change missing persons investigation arrangements

Police deal with around 327,000 reports of missing people each year, the equivalent of around 900 a day, two-thirds of which involve children.

There is often a link between a child frequently going missing and falling prey to sexual abuse.

David Tucker, head of policy at the NSPCC, said the charity fears the new definitions could put children at risk, saying: "We are very concerned that the new definition of 'missing persons' will put vulnerable children at risk of being groomed and sexually exploited."

"The length of time a child goes missing is irrelevant because they can fall into the clutches of abusers very quickly.

"Children go missing for a variety of reasons - they may be bullied, abused or are generally unhappy. But whatever the reason, this problem must be taken seriously. We expect all professionals including the police to invest the right amount of time and take the necessary action to protect all children as soon as they go missing."

Chief Constable Pat Geenty, the lead for missing people for the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo), insisted the move will free up officers' time and improve the way forces deal with children who go missing from care. He said: "There is an element about reducing bureaucracy, but I am convinced that the change will enable us to focus resources to protect those children that we need to protect."

Pilots of the new system have been carried out in Greater Manchester, West Midlands and Staffordshire, and Sussex Police have been using the definitions for three years. ( Press Association )

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Graduate jailed over terror offence

Graduate jailed over terror offence - An engineering graduate who applied to work at the Olympics has been jailed for nine months for a terror offence.

Norman Idris Faridi, 32, was turned down after applying to work last summer at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, where some football matches for the London 2012 Games were held.

The Kenyan national was later found to have a "terrorist's manual", 39 Ways To Serve And Proceed In Jihad, on his external hard drive and in a deleted file.

 

View PhotoPress Association - Norman Idris Faridi was jailed after being found guilty of a terror offence

Faridi, of Pen-y-Wain, Cathays, Cardiff, was also found to have downloaded a video of extremist preacher Abu Hamza on to his mobile phone.

Sentencing him at the Old Bailey, Judge Gerald Gordon said: "Nothing I can see suggests that the item had been stored in some special way or special file. Nor is there in fact anything to suggest that you or anyone else had actually made use of it during the time it was in your possession.

"On the other hand, Parliament has determined that such is the need to protect the public from acts of terrorism that possessing material that may help those contemplating terrorism should be against the law and it should be punished in particular to deter others."

The judge also ordered that Faridi, who is married with a young child, should be deported after serving his sentence. He had been found guilty at trial of possessing records likely to be useful to someone preparing or committing an act of terrorism.

A similar charge of having al Qaida's Inspire magazine was ordered to lie on file after the jury could not reach a verdict. Faridi was cleared of a third charge of having a guide to fighting techniques for a similar purpose.

The court heard of the Kenyan's bid to work at the Olympics during a bail hearing last year.

The former Glamorgan University aeronautics engineering student, who graduated in 2010, renewed his visa and stayed on in Britain with his wife. He was working in a bakery when police raided his home and took away computer equipment in April last year. ( Press Association )

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Daddy Got Me My Internship

Daddy Got Me My Internship - Clegg admits parental job boost amid crackdown on unpaid internships - Deputy prime minister owns up to securing his first internship through his father's influence in a Finnish bank - Nick Clegg was forced to admit it was "wrong" that his own career had been boosted by parental connections when he was starting out, getting him time at a bank and his first job in politics.

The revelation that the deputy prime minister had been helped by his father's influence cast a shadow over the government's announcement of a drive to end unpaid internships.

As the government put more accessible internships in desirable professions at the centre of a drive to give poorer children better opportunities, it also emerged that eight coalition MPs were continuing the practice of employing unpaid interns. An anonymous intern also said he had worked for Nick Clegg in opposition.

Nick Clegg gives a career advice talk to pupils at the Globe Academy in Southwark. Photograph: Oli Scarff/Getty Images

A new national internship scheme is intended to get young people into professions otherwise closed to all but those who know people in the field or "your father's friends", in Nick Clegg's words.

Clegg also wants to encourage people to use national minimum wage legislation to shop employers who are taking advantage of free and eager young workers. The government pointed to an announcement by the Tory chairman, Lady Warsi, that they were leading by example in closing down the civil service to all informally arranged slots of work experience from 2012.

In the morning when launching the policy, the deputy prime minister was asked by Labour MP John Spellar in the Commons whether he could confirm he had secured his first internship through his father's influence in a Finnish bank.

Clegg told the house: "Yes, I can. As a teenager, yes, I did receive an internship, as, I suspect, did many people around the chamber.

"Good for you if you did not. All of us should be honest and acknowledge that the way that internships have been administered in the private sector, the public sector, political parties and – I discovered when we came into government – in Whitehall as well, under 13 years of Labour, left a lot to be desired.

"I was a recipient of that, as, I suspect, many others here were as well. That is what we need to change if we want to secure greater social mobility in the future."

Afterwards, at the press conference to launch the document, Clegg was asked whether it was true his father had secured him a job at the European commission through a conversation with his neighbour, former foreign secretary Lord Carrington.

Clegg said: "The whole system was wrong. I'm not the slightest bit ashamed of saying that we all inhabited a system which was wrong."

Included as part of the policies is a "business compact" being signed with large companies – including the Guardian – that they seek to provide fairer access to their workplaces.

Clegg asked employers to pay at least the appropriate national minimum wage or payment of reasonable out-of-pocket expenses. They should encourage schools and blind applications in the hope the best qualified will be accepted.

The government also launched its child poverty strategy, putting on a statutory footing a new child poverty and social mobility commission which will enshrine in law a body to monitor the progress made by this government and future ones towards eliminating child poverty by 2020. Seven indicators at different stages of the life cycle will be monitored by different Whitehall departments to see if they help or hinder social mobility.

Asked about his own party's policy on internships, Clegg said he had just set out a new set of rules. Lib Dem interns will now receive travel expenses and up to £5 for lunch, though many questioned whether that was feasible.

Eight coalition MPs and three constituency parties were advertising for unpaid interns as Clegg announced the policy.

The website working4anMP currently lists unpaid intern vacancies with the Conservative MPs Aidan Burley, David Davis, David Amess, Mark Menzies and Dominic Raab, and the West Thurrock constituency Conservative party. Lib Dem MPs advertising for an unpaid intern included David Ward and John Leech, along with the Bristol and Lewes constituency Lib Dem parties.

A former unpaid intern for Nick Clegg, Jonny Medland from Oxford told the group Intern Aware he had "worked on all sorts of projects – drafting articles to appear in the local and national press, researching policy announcements from the then Labour government and making notes for speeches in the Commons. It definitely wasn't 'work experience' but was exactly the sort of work which the coalition is now, rightly, insisting you should be paid for".

A survey conducted this year by the parliamentary branch of Unite revealed that half of MPs from the main parties are offering work experience without paying expenses. ( guardian.co.uk )

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Calif Couple Tried to Sell Baby at Walmart

Calif Couple Tried to Sell Baby at Walmart. California couple arrested for trying to sell baby for $25 outside Walmart, police say


A California couple faces child endangerment charges after police say they tried to sell their 6-month-old baby for $25 outside a Walmart store.


Salinas police spokesman, Officer Lalo Villegas, said Thursday that Patrick Fousek, 38, and Samantha Tomasini, 20, were arrested early Wednesday, hours after Fousek allegedly approached two women outside Walmart and asked if they'd like to purchase his child.


The women initially thought Fousek was joking, but when he became persistent, they became suspicious and reported it to police, Villegas said.


"They did an outstanding job and gave our officers good information. I don't know if they're mothers but they definitely had that instinct to help," Villegas said.


Fousek and Tomasini were arrested at 1 a.m. Wednesday at their home. Officers said the couple appeared high on methamphetamine and the house was in disarray. A police report also claimed that Tomasini told Child Protective Services, who took the baby, that she had breast-fed the infant while under the influence, Villegas said.


The couple was also booked on charges of being under the influence of narcotics, and Fousek was also served with an extra charge of violating probation. Villegas did not have details of Fousek's previous brush with the law.


The couple was expected to be in court for an arraignment Friday, at which time they would be assigned public defenders. (The Associated Press )

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Ten testaments to love

Ten testaments to love . Romantic comedy king Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride) is back with Valentine’s Day, in which several LA couples endure various romantic trials and tribulations on the big day itself.

The film is filled to the brim with romantic comedy veterans, like Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba, Bradley Cooper and Ashton Kutcher. It’s essentially several romantic comedies for the price of one — perfect for the YouTube generation.

By its nature, the romantic comedy is one of the most formulaic genres of film, if not the most. You want to care about the central couple, you want to be amused. You want it to be predictable, but not too predictable. Here we identify the conventions of a Hollywood romantic comedy, most of which you’ll find in spades in Valentines Day.

Meet Cute

The Meet Cute is a romantic comedy staple, often the catalyst for around 90 minutes of “will they/won’t they” wondering. In Sleepless in Seattle, Sam (Tom Hanks) and Annie (Meg Ryan) Meet Cute thanks to Sam’s son Jonah’s impassioned plea on the radio, leading Annie to write a winning letter that sets things in motion for the memorable Empire State Building actual meet-up. In Serendipity, Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale) Meet Cute when they try to buy the same pair of gloves at a department store, which spurs a series of fateful near-misses.

Hate at First Sight

Even when people Meet Cute, this can still result in Hate at First Sight. But not to worry, because usually, the more hate there is to start off with, the more love we end up with later on. In The Proposal, Andrew (Ryan Reynolds) despises boss-from-hell Margaret (Sandra Bullock), but after engaging in a major Deception (see below), he sees her softer side and little love hearts start appearing around both of them. Kat (Julia Stiles) hate 10 Things about Patrick (Heath Ledger), but most of all, she hates that she doesn’t hate him at all.

Romantic Rival

What’s a prize you don’t have to fight for? The Romantic Rival is often flashier and nastier than the romantic hero/heroine, a villain that is keeping the true lovers apart, as in She’s All That and The Wedding Singer. If the Romantic Rival is actually rather nice, like Patrick Dempsey in Sweet Home Alabama or Idina Menzel in Enchanted, then he or she will be rewarded by a more suitable lover at the end of the film. There’s enough love for everyone, as long as you’re a good guy.

The Friend

Without mates, a lovesick protagonist would come across as a creepy stalker. Think Travis Bickel in Taxi Driver or Alex in Fatal Attraction. The romantic heroine’s Friend is usually a kooky and/or ethnic, or gay man. The romantic hero typically has a lothario Friend and/or a happily coupled-off Friend, situating him comfortably in the middle of the two extremes, and/or a gal pal to confide in.

The Friend for both genders could also be a child wise beyond his or her years. Sometimes the Friend (when not a child) is the One in disguise, as in 13 Going on 30. The romantic hero/heroine will usually have an Epiphany (see below) that the Friend is the One once the Friend meets someone else (a Romantic Rival) or threatens to Relocate (see below).

Deception

Whether it’s a 20-something Drew Barrymore pretending to be a high-schooler as she’s Never Been Kissed, Kate Hudson deliberately acting like a crazy lady so she can lose a guy in 10 days, or Sandra Bullock lying about being engaged (a recurring pattern for her) to a comatose man (While You Were Sleeping), many romantic comedies have a deceitful conceit at their heart. If you’re feeling generous, you can think of them as “secrets”.

This gives the flick a unique hook and/or powers the plot along, allowing for humorous moments — and well as a dramatic denouement when the truth finally comes out. As it always will. In Hollywood, liars — or at least liars that don’t fess up — don’t deserve true love.

Miscommunication

This one dates all the way back to Romeo and Juliet, and often comes into play in tandem with Deception. In romantic comedies, people are always mishearing or misinterpreting things, and then acting upon them rashly, which leads to more Obstacles (see below). In The Holiday, Amanda (Cameron Diaz) thinks Graham (Jude Law) has another lover, but really he’s talking to his daughters (who also act as his Friends).

Obstacle

Hate at First Sight, the Romantic Rival, Deception and Miscommunication all create Obstacles, but failing those (or in addition to those), there will be another barrier entirely, usually social or supernatural. In Notting Hill, it was Anna’s (Julia Robert) super-stardom.

In Just Like Heaven, it was the small matter of Elizabeth’s (Reese Witherspoon) ghostly status. In 17 Again, Zac Efron was a 30-something trapped in a 17-year-old’s body, which made the chemistry between him and his ex-wife very inappropriate (although not as awkward as his daughter trying to crack onto him). In Kate and Leopold, the titular pair are from different centuries. The list goes on — all you need to know is that if it’s True Love, it will conquer all, even time, space and relentless paparazzi.

Epiphany

Just when everything seems lost — or the film only has around 10 minutes left — the romantic hero/heroine (or the object of their affection) will suddenly realize something they never did before — that they’re ready to commit, that their True Love has been in front of them all along. The Epiphany either immediately dissolves whatever Obstacles kept them apart before, or gives the romantic hero/heroine the impetus to leapfrog over these into the arms of their sweetheart. This applies to pretty much every romantic comedy, ever.

Relocation

To add further drama — and a time limit — to the lovers’ situation, Relocation often looms. Usually this happens just after an Epiphany, which often leads to a fraught Airport Scene (or variant thereof), as the romantic hero/heroine races to prevent the One from slipping through their fingers forever, as in The Wedding Singer.

Sometimes, the supposed Relocator will reveal that they weren’t really going anywhere at all, or that they were only going there for a little while, as in Bridget Jones’ Diary, when Mark Darcy leaves after reading the infamous diary. But it will have the desired effect, which is all that matters.

Transformation

Love doesn’t just conquer all, it also often changes all. At the beginning of Pretty Woman, Julia Robert’ s Vivian was a tacky prostitute and Richard Gere’s Edward was a heartless businessman. By the film’s end, Vivian has fashionable clothes and plans to go back to school, while Edward makes a fairytale-esque romantic gesture, arriving as a knight in a white limousine to sweep his lady off her feet. In 27 Dresses, thanks to Kevin (James Marsden), the uptight, always-a-bridesmaid Jane (Katherine Heigl) learns to loosen up, and in doing so, earns a 28th dress — this time for her own wedding. ( thejakartapost.com )

READ MORE - Ten testaments to love

Finally, an apology to the last two boys forcibly sent to live in Australia 39 years ago

Finally, an apology to the last two boys forcibly sent to live in Australia 39 years ago. Until the the practice was banned in the 1960s, more than 130,000 British children were sent to Australia to start new lives without their parents.

These two young boys were the last to go.

Three years after the practice was made illegal, 11-year-old Rex Wade and his little brother Kevin were dispatched to the other side of the world.

Childhood tragedy: Rex Wade, right, then five, with brother Kevin

Arriving in Tasmania, Rex was put to work, endured regular beatings and was ultimately imprisoned for trying to escape.

When he was eventually freed from an offenders' institution at the age of 26, he sold all his possessions to buy a ticket home.

Now, aged 51, he has finally received an apology from the authorities that sent him away.

Mr Wade told how he and Kevin, then nine, were taken from their mother after the death of their father by Cornwall council officials and flown to Australia in December 1970.

Mr Wade who now lives near Newquay, Cornwall, said: 'I was put on a plane with my little brother and a suitcase each.

'I never saw my mother again. We had no idea what was happening to us and why we were going away. We ended up in a care home, regularly receiving punishments and beatings.

Rex Wade: 'Our lives were ruined'

'The whole experience ruined my life. We were treated like slaves. It was wrong and should never have happened.' More than 130,000 poor and orphaned British children were sent to Australia to be used as child labour before the practice was outlawed in 1967.

The Child Migrants Programme saw thousands of children sent with Government approval by church organisations and charities to Commonwealth countries.

From the 1930s, Britain transported children as young as three to farm schools in Australia, Canada, New Zealand and Canada.

They were classed as orphans but most of them were just from poor families or born to unmarried mothers.

Once abroad, they were frequently used as cheap labour or became the victims of physical or sexual abuse.

The Wade brothers faced daily beatings from the couple who ran the care home.

After selling his few possessions to buy a one-way ticket back to England, Rex Wade married his wife Annie, now 54, but has battled alcoholism all his life.

He said: 'The care home was brutal - if the grass wasn't cut in a certain way you'd be punished for it and he'd throw things at you like a stone or a shovel until it was done right.'

Kevin Wade joined the Navy after he left the home in the 1980s and still lives in Australia.

A spokesman for Cornwall Council-apologised and said migration was a 'sad and highly emotive chapter in the country's history'.

He said: 'Modern-day practices, which are set out in legislation and overseen by the courts, would not use this as an option for children in the care of local authorities.

The council recognises that this may have been a difficult experience for some individuals, and has offered counselling and support to those affected.'

Mr Wade has been compensated by the Tasmanian government.

In November Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd apologised to people abused or neglected while they were in state care.( dailymail.co.uk )

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Hottest sex variations

Hottest sex variations. When your relationship isn't a humdrum affair, then why should your sex life be dull and lifeless? There's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex.

A marvelous sexual connection includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven't dared to experiment with perhaps. Check out the different kinds of love making acts you and your lover can indulge in for a night of passion.

There's more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex. (Getty Images)

Experimental sex

Couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple's love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. "Try pushing the regular comfort zones. It may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; you can even go for thrilling experiences like making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place." explains Meera Wahi, married for last nine years.

Why to try : There's nothing like the moment when you're struggling for breath thinking, "That was amazing, we've never done that before." Experts suggest that no matter how long you've been in a relationship, you need to have an earth-shattering sexual experience every once in a while. What's more try pushing the boundaries, as this will heighten the trust between you two, create an exceptional comfort level and minimise the possibilities of casual flings outside the relationship. So, go ahead and clue in to Your partner's covert bedroom urges to transform the every-night mediocre sex to a mind-blowing encounter. You'll harvest the sensually gratifying perks too.

Necessary sex

Necessary sex can be explained as 'just-for-the-heck-of-it sex', which is vital for a long-term relationship to retain its sexual spark. These are your very special, intimate 'me-time' moments which relieve stress, burns calories and lift spirits. Supports Mihika, a 31-year-old, new mom, "As a new mom, I am tired most of the times. However, I make special effort to get going in the bed and this makes me feel closer to him. Even if the sex isn't that good, it feels like the relationship has become stronger."

Why to try : Necessary sex is all about decreasing sexual anxiety, accomplishing the Big O, and feeling good about your sexual prowess. Experts say that regular physical contact actually tunes the brain into the need to feel emotionally close. By making sex a regular habit, you can open new avenues of bonding as a couple. Moreover, doing it sometimes when you are not in the perfect mood can gear you up for something much hotter the next time around. And most importantly, don't forget how much a hit-the-roof orgasm does to keep your sex spark bright.

Bummer sex

Admit it, for it's something that's bound to happen. An awkward grunt, a stupid expression, somebody walking in unexpectedly or may be slipping down the bed, all of us can have these embarrassing moments that we would like to ideally forget. Akhil, a 27-year-old choreographer, recollects, "We'd been together since last one year. The last time we were having sex, her roommate just walked in. We didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we laughed our heart out. The voyeurism added to the fire, needless to say."

Why to try : Don't fret about imperfect moments in your sex life; just rejoice and hold your lover tight. Your ability to deal with embarrassing situations reflects the strength of your relationship, say experts. Real understanding is about being able to feel at ease with each other in awkward circumstances as well. Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac of all and often provides the sexual thrill which can last a lifetime. React positively to embarrassing sexual mishaps and she will add funny, cute and smart to her mental list of reasons as to why she chooses to be intimate with you.

Vacation sex

A new, romantic locale often allows lovers to rediscover each another in a new light. Amidst trying different platters, adventure sports or checking out a variety of nightlife activities, every evening feels like a special date night. Vacation sexcapades act as a catalyst to reignite the passion in a relationship and make a couple feel more connected. "When on a vacation, you're at your most carefree best, which means you can try out new things you won't have to be accountable for at home. We went to Kerala on a friend's recommendation, and needless to say we had the best sex ever," shares Sidhartha, a 39-year-old business man.

Why to try : Something about leaving the laptop behind, turning the cell phone off and relaxing makes the sex better. Experts say that being in a totally alien environment sparks a sense of adventure and boldness in couples. All of this adds up to stimulating sex, which is more gratifying and more memorable than what couples have at home. Moreover, a vacation is the best place to get 'sexperimental'. When people encounter new experiences, dopamine spikes in the brain, eliciting a feeling of all encompassing lust. This is one of the reasons a vast majority of relationship counsellors recommend regular getaways as one of the things that can help strengthen your bond.

Make-up sex

There is nothing like engaging in a sexual reconciliation after a long, gut-wrenching argument. The quality of such sex is directly proportional to the amount of time spent apart; courtesy - the phenomenal release of emotions. "After all the screaming and blaming is over and we proceed towards reconciling, I fall in love with him all over again. This after-fight sex gives me the same kick as that 'beginning sex' when we first meet. All of that anger is released into passion and it's like we just want to tear down the place," admits Mehul, who's been married for seven years.

Why to try : Experts believe that make-up sex is a quick and effective way to get rid of the frustrations from a past argument. Also, it gives women the opportunity to be sexually aggressive, which might be a welcome change. This kind of sex is overloaded with passion because you have the rush of very intense emotions, from anger to joy. And when you're intimate like that, you're likely to have a strong orgasm, which releases Oxytocin, the bonding hormone which creates a physiological bonding mechanism between you and your beau.

Solace sex

If you are feeling miserable, dejected, anguished or lonely, sex can be the perfect remedy. Soothing sex is more emotional, more engaging and possibly more expressive than the usual act, because the desire to connect to life is enormous. You concentrate on cuddling and affection, rather than on climaxing. Diksha Ramani shares her experience, "My husband lost his mom and my brother was going though a cancer ordeal. In those times, we resorted to sex. It just distracted us from all our problems and reiterated the fact that we are there for each other. It was like a life-asserting act in the face of grief."

Why to try : Research points out towards the fact that those who can count on their partners to be there for them emotionally have sex more often and enjoy it all the more. Experts say that making each other feel loved and cared for is the most powerful way to bring the psychological and physical elements of your Realtionship together. Solace sex intensifies your bond with your lover and makes lovemaking a great source of eroticism and ecstasy. Such consoling acts may not necessarily be exciting, but it makes you feel very good and lifts up your dampened spirits. Moreover, when people feel safe with each other, they can also deal with their differences and problems effortlessly.

Supersensual Sex

With sensual sex, it's not only about where you and Your partner are going, but the process that gets you there. Remember that women aren't the only ones who desire slow-burn sexual intimacy. So whenever you have the gift of time, indulge in expressive lovemaking, which can be a blissful surprise and act like a relationship booster. "Knowing that he cares enough to love me for hours makes me feel very good. At that time, I feel as if I am his one and only priority. And trust me, such emotional benefits do have long-lasting effects," says Ridhima.

Why to try : Experts believe that supersensual sex is an extension of selfless love, which fulfills, satisfies, and helps couples bonds. This is when emotional candidness and sensitivity, affectionate touches and erotic exploration all unite. The key requirement here is not crazy sexual techniques, but a safe emotional acquaintance. Moreover, your bond in general feels more cherished when you turn the bedroom into a place which is not just about sexual sensations. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses, and relax into sexual feelings.

Do not bind your experiences to the standard fare, when there's a whole sensual world out there for you both to explore. After all, spicing up your sex routine can bring the much-required mystery and adventure to your love life, and keep it grooving. ( indiatimes.com )

READ MORE - Hottest sex variations

Hey, you! Stop smoking in my atmosphere!

Hey, you! Stop smoking in my atmosphere!. Smoke-Free PlanetThe disappearing boundaries of cigarette prohibition.

That's the message from New York City, where the mayor and health commissioner have just released a policy agenda called "Take Care New York 2012."* Page 10 of the document says the city's health department "will work with the city's Department of Parks and Recreation and other entities to expand smoke-free spaces to include city parks and public beaches." The city council speaker is very interested in the idea, but her help might not be necessary if the parks department can implement the ban as a regulation.

A no-smoking sign in China

According to the New York Post, cities and counties in Utah, Louisiana, and Maine have already taken this step. The New York Times points out that Los Angeles and Chicago have done the same, and the whole state of California is considering it.

Let's step back and recall how we got here. When tobacco fighters began to outlaw smoking in elevators, buses, restaurants, bars, and public buildings, their stated rationale was to protect nonsmokers trapped inside. Then the crusade moved on to apartment buildings, extending the same theory: You can't smoke in your apartment, because the smoke seeps under your door into hallways and other people's apartments.

Now this rationale has moved outdoors. Way outdoors. David Kessler, the former FDA commissioner who led the anti-smoking fight in the 1990s, says New York City is doing the right thing, because "the majority of the population today doesn't want to be breathing in tobacco smoke, whether indoors or outdoors."

That's true. I hate tobacco smoke. I don't want to breathe it anywhere. I don't want the tiniest particle of it to touch my lungs, even if my nose doesn't notice it.

But do I have the right to that standard of purity? If so, doesn't that justify a ban on smoking absolutely anywhere? Forget parks and beaches. If you smoke in your backyard, aren't you violating my airspace? In fact, aren't you violating my airspace by lighting your grill or driving your car down my street? How far does my right to clean air extend?

Studies have proved that secondhand smoke is harmful. But those studies aren't conducted in wide-open spaces. They can't cover the whole atmosphere. They're conducted in enclosed spaces. That's why they justify smoking bans in elevators and restaurants, not in acres and acres of parkland.

New York's health commissioner, Thomas Farley, suggests that parks are defined spaces. Here's his argument, as quoted by the Post:

"We don't think children, parents, when they're standing at soccer games, should have to be breathing in smoke from the person next to them," Farley said after unveiling the city's 10-point plan alongside Mayor Bloomberg. "We don't think our children should have to be watching someone smoke."

Whoa, there. First of all, you don't have to ban smoking on every square inch of park land in order to protect nonsmokers from "the person next to them." You can chalk off spaces where smoking is prohibited. Believe me, I coach kids' soccer games. Last week, some guys who work for the county league showed up to paint new lines on our practice field. If you can paint boundaries for play, you can paint boundaries for smoking. Want to keep smokers 100 yards away from where kids are playing? Draw a line.

But check out Farley's second argument: Kids shouldn't "have to be watching someone smoke." We're no longer talking about breathing even a particle of smoke. We're talking about banning bad habits to prevent cultural contamination.

In that case, can we please ban public lotteries? Because I don't like my kids having to watch people gamble, particularly under the auspices of the state. Gambling is addictive and destructive. I want the tickets out of convenience stores and the results off television.

Why is a huge outdoor smoking ban justified even in the absence of substantiating medical evidence? Because, as one anti-smoking leader tells the Times, "There is no redeeming value in smoking at beaches or parks." That's the bottom line: Any basis for a ban, no matter how slight, is now sufficient, because the value of smoking is zero.

Once we agree on that, the movement to ban smoking, having conquered the outdoors, can move back indoors, this time without any reference to other people's health. Because the value of smoking is zero in your bathroom, too. ( slate.com )

READ MORE - Hey, you! Stop smoking in my atmosphere!

The art of Ayurveda

The art of Ayurveda. Ayurveda is the beauty world's best kept secret. Meaning 'knowledge of life', it originated 3,000 years ago in India.

It is a traditional holistic health and beauty philosophy which harnesses the natural benefits of herbs and spices.

How does it work?

The main aim of ayurveda is to encourage people to take control of their wellbeing, both physical and spiritual, by understanding the body's imbalances and rectifying these with diet and self-help therapies. Now you can try it yourself because the Body Shop has launched its own ayurvedic beauty and health range.

The ayurvedic philosophy works on a belief that the individual characteristics of our mind, body and spirit fall into three different groups called 'doshas'. Depending on your temperament and physical health, you may either be a Pitta (Fire), Vata (Air) Kapha (Earth).

PITTAS

Typical Pittas: Madonna, Cindy Crawford and Jennifer Aniston.

Traits: You are dynamic and passionate and you do not like to be ignored. At your best, you are intelligent, perceptive and highly efficient. You are a natural leader.

At worst, you tend to be overcritical of others and you are often too intense and competitive.

Remedies: You need to de-stress and concentrate on not getting overwrought. Try the Body Shop's Pitta herbal supplement to calm you down (£15 for 50 tablets) and their Pitta pillow spray, which is made from a variety of calming herb essences, to lull you to sleep before you start worrying about work (£9 for 150ml).

Because of your highly competitive nature, you are likely to suffer from painful PMT because you push yourself too hard, so try The Ayurvedic Company's Feminac capsules for problem periods.

Feminac is a multi-herb dietary supplement made from a herbal recipe that has been used to treat menstrual problems for thousands of years (£6.95 for 60 capsules).

To tame your temper, try The Ayurvedic Company's Shatavari Tonic, which soothes nerves and increases strength and the immune system.

Shatavari is also commonly used by both breast-feeding mothers to increase lactation and by menopausal women to relieve symptoms such as excessive sweating, hot flushes and irritability (£6.95 for 60 capsules).

Also for de-stressing, try Bharti Vyas's Holistic Refresh Oil. It will encourage relaxation and will also help increase energy levels (£12.99 for 100ml).

Bharti also makes Ayurvedic Soap, which helps to even out skin tone and reduce skin irritation to help you calm down (£3.99 a bar).

Finally, ease away your worries with the Ayurvedic Company's refreshing Pitta Tea. It should be taken when you feel anxious or if you have irritable skin or rashes and flushes (£2.95 for 50ml).

KAPHAS

Typical Kaphas: Kate Winslet, Christina Ricci and Oprah Winfrey.

Traits: You are solid, dependable and very loyal. You are brilliant to have around in a crisis. At best, you are open, friendly and a great listener. At worst, you are lethargic and like to be entertained, which can make you hard work as a friend or partner.

Remedies: You need to concentrate on energising and motivating yourself. You are naturally prone to lethargy. Try the Body Shop's Kapha Cleansing Body Scrub to stimulate your lymphatic system (£15 for 350ml).

In the mornings, the Body Shop's Kapha Renewal Brew Herbal Tea will cleanse your system and wake you up (£7 for 350g).

Skin tone and is excellent for treating dry skin (£12.99 for 100ml).

Her Keen Oil will aid the dispersion of unwanted localised fatty deposits (£12.99 for 100ml).

Kaphas are prone to allergies and asthma so, for summer, try Bharti's Aller H and Antifect supplements to protect the body against pollen and enhance detoxification (£6.99 for 100 tablets).

Ayurveda Company's Basil Toner and Basil Cream are brilliant for getting rid of water retention and thoroughly cleansing the skin. Basil is the ancient ayurvedic remedy for pimples, which you may get because of your often erratic diet.

The mask stimulates the skin's circulation during application and removal and encourages cell renewal to prevent scarring, while the toner cleanses it. (Toner, £9.95 for 100ml; cream, £6.95 for 50g).

Also try their Anti-Obesity Tea, which is a fragrant drink formulated to help balance and regulate fat in the body for the Kapha's sluggish metabolism (£2.95 for 100g).

VATAS

Typical Vatas: Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow and Julia Roberts.

Traits: You live life at a hectic pace, with quickly changing moods and many ups and downs in your emotions.

You are at your best when you are using your imagination. You are highly motivated and you get things done.

At your worst, you are easily stressed, scatty and quickly exhausted, which can take its toll on your nerves and on your digestion.

Remedies: You need to do as much as possible to slow yourself down and rationalise your thoughts. You are likely to suffer from spots because of your dramatic mood swings.

Try the Ayurvedic Company's Vata face mask. Water is added to this powder to make an effective exfoliator. The paste removes dead skin, cleanses and stimulates circulation, leaving the face with a radiant glow (£3.95 for 50g).

Also try their Bath Powder, which is a mask that acts as both a body cleanser and exfoliator. The paste is applied to the body to draw out toxins and impurities. It is then washed off in a circular motion to exfoliate and encourage circulation (£3.95 for 50g).

The Body Shop's Vata Nourishing Body Balm (£10 for 200ml) and Vata Massage Gel (£9 for 100ml) will help you calm down.

Have as many massages as possible to stop you getting too hyperactive. Practice rubbing the balm rhythmically into your body to relax and comfort yourself. Bharti recommends Santhwana Oil, which encourages relaxing and sound sleep (£12.99 for 100ml) for manic Vatas.

Her Promotor Hair Oil helps to reduce dandruff and inflammation to the hair follicle - classic Vata complaints because they generally have too much adrenaline and so overproduce the male hormones that cause dandruff (£12.99 for 100ml).

Bharti's Rheumaxin tablets will help to reduce inflammation of the joints by helping to clear toxin buildup. This is a common Vata complaint because they drink too much coffee and alcohol (£6.99 for 100 tablets).

The Ayurvedic Company's Vata Tea is calming and relaxing. Drink it if you feel restless and your sleep is interrupted. Or try taking it when travelling or if the weather is dry and cold (£2.95 for 50ml). ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - The art of Ayurveda

No smoking in your own apartment

Condo Leakage. No smoking in your own apartment. Wasn't it just the other day that New York City proposed to ban smoking outdoors in parks? Why, yes, it was. The city's health commissioner said kids shouldn't "have to be breathing in smoke from the person next to them" or "have to be watching someone smoke."

No smoking in your own apartment?

Don't smoke in your office, at a bar, or on public property. And while you're at it, don't smoke in your apartment.

What's that, you say? You have a right to smoke in your apartment?

Think again. Two years ago, Belmont, Calif., outlawed smoking in apartments and condos with shared floors or ceilings. Then last year, two New York condo owners sued their neighbor for lighting up in her apartment and "causing smoke to enter into the common hallway." Now comes another court fight: According to the Dallas Morning News, a local woman is suing her ex-neighbor and her ex-landlord "for damage she says was caused by cigarette smoke wafting through adjoining walls of her high-end townhome."

No smoking if you share a floor. No smoking if you share a ceiling. No smoking if you share a wall. That pretty much covers it.

I don't know all the legal details of the Dallas case, so I'll leave it to the litigants and the court to work out. But look how it's pushing the envelope of indoor smoking restrictions.

Start with the plaintiff's grounds. In Belmont and New York, the complaints were largely about nonsmokers' health. That's an issue in Dallas, too, but with a twist. According to the Morning News, the plaintiff has

filed a complaint under the Texas Fair Housing Act, alleging that her sensitivity to cigarette smoke qualifies her for protection set aside for people with disabilities. … Dr. Barbara Stark Baxter, a clinical associate professor at UT Southwestern Medical Center, wrote that [the plaintiff] "qualifies as disabled under the Texas Fair Housing Act and the Americans with Disabilities Act." … To qualify for protection, the cigarette smoke would have to impair a major life function—such as breathing.

If this claim succeeds, the ADA may become a weapon in future indoor smoking suits. Then there's the lease. "This lease says I have a right to a habitable place, this lease says I have a right to quiet enjoyment, this lease says I have a right to safe living," says the plaintiff. So even if health effects can't be proved, lease clauses implying peace or habitability can be invoked.

Meanwhile, totally apart from her health, the plaintiff is asserting property damage. She claims her "furniture will need to be reupholstered, artwork restored and closets full of clothing dry cleaned."

The next question is what measures smokers or building managers are obliged to take to prevent smoke seepage. In the New York case, the smoker had bought two air purifiers, opened her windows, and used rolled-up rugs to seal the space under her doors. In the Dallas case, the Morning News reports,

There is a solid, two-hour fire wall from the foundation to the roof between each of the homes. … Managers replaced air filters repeatedly, installed sealant-type electrical plates and—at the [plaintiff's] request—used an industrial-grade roofing sealant to caulk pipes under their kitchen cabinet. When that didn't work, managers tried to negotiate a move for both tenants within the community.

That's pretty elaborate. Maybe the managers should have pushed the move option sooner. Landlords, take note.

And while we're at it, what measures are nonsmokers obliged to take? In the New York case, the smoker lived in the building for 10 years before the nonsmokers moved in next door. If they knew about her smoking, they should have factored it in. If they didn't know, the building management should have told them.

In the Dallas case, the nonsmoker seems to have moved in before the smoker. A lawyer for the property managers says the nonsmoker renewed her lease after she reported the problem next door. Maybe that fact will get the lawsuit thrown out. But it shouldn't absolve property managers of the responsibility to take precautions earlier. Find out whether your incoming tenants or condo buyers smoke, and check with the neighbors who await them. If you don't, you may end up with a mess on your hands.

If landlords, property managers, smokers, and nonsmokers don't take such precautions, some courts and legislators are clearly willing to step in. In the Dallas case, the Morning News reports that "a judge issued a temporary restraining order forbidding [the smoker] from lighting up in her home." That's right: a court order not to smoke in your bathroom. Pretty outrageous, I'd say. But so is having your bathroom invaded by smoke from next door. If you don't want the government bringing its long arms and clumsy feet into such disputes, work them out beforehand. ( slate.com )

READ MORE - No smoking in your own apartment

Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer

Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer. Maya and Jack had ten years together, but they didn't have these soul-baring conversations until the last days of his life. Take a moment to read their story, and then be inspired by them to have these honest talks with the person you love, now.

Maya and Jack didn't have these soul-baring conversations until the last days of his life. Start them now, she says, with someone you love.

At first it sounds like a movie cliché: Jack and I met at a wedding where I caught the bouquet. I'd noticed him the minute he walked in, so when he asked me to dance, I was giddy. After one song, I felt like I'd known him my whole life.

But on our second date, Jack pulled some pills out of a vial on his key chain and said that he had a liver disease. At 15 he had been told he'd live a year, but at 27, after lots of medicine and procedures, he was healthy, playing racquetball, mountain climbing … and having dinner with me. I thought I could handle it. I was just 19 and didn't grasp how serious his condition was. I did know pretty fast, though, that we were serious. As we dated and got close, I could imagine being with him forever.

Eventually the liver infections came back, and within five years we got news from his doctors: Jack would need a transplant to live — and, said Jack, to get married. He didn't want to propose with a bad liver. He couldn't bear leaving me behind.

Finally, on July 2, 2005, Jack had his transplant. But the surgery didn't have the happy outcome we'd hoped for. The doctors found gallbladder cancer. Still, seven months later, at sunrise on a beach near the hospital, Jack got down on one knee and proposed. He was so bloated from chemo-induced kidney failure that I had to help him get back up. But I had no doubts. However long I could, I wanted to be his wife. A few weeks later, after a session of dialysis (to celebrate, the clinic staff sang the wedding march: "Dah dum dah dum …"), we eloped.

Our hope for a full future lasted not quite three years. Then things went bad. Every medical complication you could get, Jack got. Finally, together we made the decision to stop chemo and begin hospice care at home in August 2008. One night in his last couple of weeks, I said to Jack, "What do you want to talk about? What do you want to say to me?" That's when our amazing nightly talks started. We shared it all, things we'd never brought up in our 10 years together. Jack died on September 21, 2008, but I can say I have no regrets. Well, that's not entirely true. I wish we'd talked about all these things sooner. So I beg of you, talk about the tough subjects. In honor of my Jack, when you're with someone you love, ask each other these questions:

1. What did you really think when you first met me?

After we danced at that wedding, we were walking in an alley by the restaurant, and Jack said, "Oh, look — a shooting star!" We stopped and gazed at it silently. All those years later, Jack said, "I never told you what I wished for. What I wished was, 'I wish she were mine'." He'd never told me that. Life's too short — why not say what's in your heart?

2. Do you belive in God?

We'd never really talked about religion. Jack's parents are Jewish and Catholic, but he wasn't raised as either. I'm Catholic but didn't want to push that on him. In our last weeks together, we asked each other: Where am I going? What is my life about? What about my soul? At Jack's request, a priest even came to do a blessing and, eventually, last rites. I think it was a real comfort for him.

Just as Jack found faith, I now believe that energy is all around us. While Jack was sick, for instance, we would talk by walkie-talkie when he was in bed and I was in the kitchen. He died at 10:00 A.M. on a Sunday, and from noon on, that walkie-talkie made static noises, like it did when he would talk to me. I still get chills. I know it sounds a little crazy, but I absolutely think Jack was letting me know he was there.

3. What little things do you love about each other?

In his last weeks, Jack kept a journal. He wrote, "When we played Rock Band, I loved how something so simple could make you so happy." I had no idea! My "little thing" was a baby photo I'd seen of Jack in his playpen, laughing. Whenever he'd laugh a really deep belly laugh, he looked just like that. It warmed my heart, and I told him so. Let each other in on the secret moments you cherish.

4. What was missing whe you were growing up?

We'd talked about our families before, of course, but in the end, we spoke a lot about what we didn't get growing up, and what we hoped we had provided each other. Jack, for example, wished he'd gotten more spoken "I love yous," so I gave that to him. Through the years, my mother and I faced economic struggles, so Jack did everything he could to make me feel safe financially.

5. What would you change about each other?

Jack knew that I'd always had a type-A personality, so he had to teach me it's OK to relax and enjoy life. Over the years, he got me to try skiing, kayaking, even snorkeling in Hawaii! But in those last two weeks, I think Jack worried that, without him, I wouldn't keep trying new things. Jack said to me, "I want you to be more adventurous. I want even more for you." As a tribute to him, I've parasailed and am about to go to Tuscany with a girlfriend. And a few months after Jack's death, I went to the Bahamas with another girlfriend — a trip he had actually planned for me, saying, "I think it's something you'll need to do."

6. What are your greatest fears?

I don't mean if you're scared of bugs or heights; I mean the real things. Jack, for instance, wasn't afraid of dying. He was more scared of what would happen to me afterward — that I'd fall into a bad relationship or drink too much or maybe even want to end my life. Most of all, though, he said, "I'm afraid of leaving you."

I then shared my biggest fear, which was having to move forward and have a life after him. I was very candid with Jack about this, about not wanting to marry again. My mom said, "You're too honest. You have to stop upsetting him." But I had to tell him the truth. And Jack gave me the greatest gift. He said, "I want you to meet someone and have the family we couldn't." And as painful as it was for me to hear those things, I'm now so glad he told me that. I know that when I'm ready, I'll just say, "Jack, send me someone to love."

On the first anniversary of Jack's death, I visited the cemetery rose garden where I'd scattered some of his ashes. I brought some flowers, sat down and talked to him for a while. The hardest part, still, is when I want to tell him something and he's not there. So please, for me — for Jack — if you feel it, say it. Don't ever waste that chance. ( msn.com )

READ MORE - Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer